Self Storage

Let's not kid ourselves. Money just isn't what it used to be. Many people are unemployed, and if you're lucky enough to still have a job, you're probably doing the work of two people. The housing market is stagnant, and several properties will be forever underwater.

And yet, the malls are packed. It's difficult to get a restaurant reservation during primetime, and new cars are flying off the lots.

Less money breeds more spending? I don't think I've ever seen a better blueprint for financial ruin.

But I refuse to fall into the trap. Corners must be cut; budgets must be slashed. So, I've decided to begin with my housing arrangements. I find myself currently between homes, and rather make a deposit on a pricey condo, I'm going to stay with my furniture...

In my storage facility.

That's right. At just $286/month, even subsidized housing can't compete with me. It's not spacious, but it has everything I need.

First, it's climate controlled. That's very important, especially during the winter months. And because I don't have to pay for utilities, I'm saving a bundle. It's a bummer that I don't have any windows, but thanks to my 24-hour security key card, I can step outside for fresh air any time I want.

It also comes with a sizable garage for my car. Because I'll be the only one staying over, I have plenty of room for my car and other garage staples. If my friends want to visit, there's even plenty of extra space for them.

The key to making this work, however, is the proper preparation. First, you need a reason to have an ample amount of furniture migrate with you. A foreclosure works nicely. An eviction, bankruptcy or old reliable, a divorce. You're suddenly out of the house with plenty of furniture to spare.

As long as you have a couch, coffee table, lamp, small refridgerator, dresser, a bed and a television....you have the makings of an excellent storage facility apartment. Besides, you don't want to overfurnish. You'll be able to invite some guests, but a Super Bowl party is out of the question.

Entertainment can be tricky. You'll have to install a satellite dish on the roof, and indoor Wi-Fi could prove challenging. However, it's probably just a few short months away before Apple creates a new device that will be compatible with a storage facility.

When it comes to hygeine, you'll have full access to the corporate bathroom. And the best part is, no lines. The shower is a tough one, but I would suggest keeping a garden hose with you, which can be installed somewhere outside. If you buy a spray nozzle and elevate the hose, you'll have a makeshift shower head.

It could get somewhat claustrophobic in there, so you'll need to keep the door open at all times. You'll have a picturesque view of all the other storage bins, and sit and wonder what everyone else hides in these things. Nights could get lonely, so it's important to entice others to begin to move in. If not, I would recommend keeping an active social calendar, so you won't have to stay in the bin for long stretches.

I'll be moving in next month. If you're interested, but unable to commit long term, I'd be willing to sub-lease.

I'm planning an open house.

Save and a Beauty

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to retire at 65. I'm not saying that there aren't exceptions to the rule. If you work on Wall Street, your firm may be coming off a record year in profitability in an industry that has proven it's Teflon even in the worst of times.

To those fortunate and successful enough to own their own businesses for a number of years, I say congratulations. Your company may be passed on to another generation, or sold outside the family at a sizable profit. But for the majority of us who still find ourselves immersed in the quicksand of corporate America, I'd recommend learning the rudiments of a cash register because you're headed for a retail job at the end of your career.

We've been brainwashed by the financial planners and by the many analysts on CNBC who like to toss around fancy terms like "dollar cost average", "diversification" and "compound growth." The problem with the suggestions of never timing the market, not putting all your eggs in one basket, and reinvesting profits is that they were all based on antiquated models. The world has changed, and the stock market has quickly followed.

The old mantras were based on a long term rolling averages of stock performance since the Great Depression. Unfortunately, that was well before airline passengers were placing bombs in their underwear and people were sold mortgages on property they couldn't afford. As a result, we're now all too familiar with what can happen to our portfolios when the bottom drops out.

So what can we do?

Save. We're a society of shoppers wanting the latest in technology, or hoarding up on clothes and shoes upon hearing about the next sale. We are surrounded by a sea of strip malls outside, and by retail websites when we're inside. You just break out the plastic, and you're off to the races.

Financial planners now tell us that we need at least 6 months of expenses sitting in cash in the event that you find yourself without a job. How many of us truly have that much on the sidelines.? Maybe it's time that our national pastime convert from shopping to something more constructive, like saving.

Then, maybe, just maybe our retirement years won't include asking about paper or plastic.