Still Believing in Miracles

Thirty years ago, I came home from school on a Friday in February, and my father asked me if I wanted to watch the Winter Olympics. At age eleven, I was interested in two things - - girls and baseball. As far as I could tell, the 1980 Olympic games didn't offer either of these pursuits.

But my father was persuasive. He explained that the Men's US Hockey team would be playing against Russia, the fierciest team in the world; a world which was much different than it is today. The Olympics were carried on tape delay which wouldn't garner much interest now. However, before the advent of the internet, ESPN, and a myriad other ways to obtain sports scores, these games were as good as live. It was also a turbulent time for our embattled nation. The Iran hostage crisis was very much in full swing in the Middle East, and the Cold War with Russia was intensifying. The mood in the United States was somber.

Whether I realized or not, this was more than just a hockey game. This was also a time when professional American hockey players didn't participate in the Olympics. The same rules didn't apply to Russia, so it truly was a group of well disciplined college boys against highly skilled, highly intimidating adversaries.

My father told me how our odds weren't great, but he was getting a positive vibe about this hockey team. And so we watched. We watched the U.S. stay close in the first period and eventually chase the most notable goalie in the world from the Russian crease. The tension mounted in the third period as the score was tied, only to be broken by our captain's wrist which sailed past the back-up Russian goalie. As the final seconds ticked off the clock, Al Michaels asked us all if we believed in miracles. It wasn't exactly the parting of the Red Sea, but for modern sports, it was damn close. This wasn't a hockey game at all. It was a catalyst for feeling positive about America again.

It's now 2010, and our Olympic hockey team is back in the final round, hoping for a gold medal. The Cold War is over, but we still have issues with the Middle East. Our economy is under siege, and the job market is shrinking. People can't afford first homes nor the ones they're currently in. Our politics are divisive and our President's shine has come off his wagon. The country is somber once again.

A win on Sunday will pale in comparison to 1980. The current roster is filled with professional players from the NHL. We won't have a political score to settle with our opponent. We won't be asked about our beliefs in modern day miracles. But a win may feel like one anyway. It's been nine years since 9/11, the last time our country was truly united. We haven't had much to rally around since, so a gold medal will bring us back together again, even if just for a brief moment.

It's been thirty years since our last victory, but our Olympic hockey team still has the power to make us proud to be Americans.

USA.....USA.....

Is Tiger Out of the Woods?

The world's most anticipated public apology was front and center on Friday as Tiger Woods finally discussed his penchant for infidelity. He addressed his wife, his family, his friends, the PGA, his fans and his former sponsors. If you didn't look carefully, his performance may have been mistaken for an Academy Award acceptance speech.

For the next several weeks, we'll all be pondering whether or not the world will take him back. So let's play Nostradamus and make a few fearless predictions.

TIGER'S WIFE - Her husband cheated on her not once, but more times than he's won PGA tournaments. In other words, he's had more than a few holes in ones. Nonetheless, she'll keep him around because he's not a "gay American", didn't father another woman's child while running for office, and didn't pull an "Elliot Spitzer."

TIGER'S FAMILY - During the press conference, his mother looked like she'd rather be hit over the head with a Callaway golf club, than be subjected to Tiger's admission of guilt. But a mother will never abandon a son, even when his fingerprints are on the gun.

TIGER'S FANS - Weekend golfers, otherwise known as those who regularly watch golf on television, love to see Tiger win. They'll eventually allow him back into their living rooms, just so they don't have to endure another day of watching Phil Mickelson.

TIGER'S FRIENDS - Half of Tiger's entourage continues to be thirlled to report that they pal around with the most famous golfer in the world. The other half have all cheated on their wives. I would expect that both groups will be back without a hint of duress.

THE PGA - The NBA survived the multiple retirements of Michael Jordan. Major League Baseball moved on after the passing of Babe Ruth. Hockey shook off the departure of Wayne Gretzky. However, the PGA will soon be extinct without Tiger Woods.

TIGER'S SPONSORS - This one needs to be approached with some trepidation. Corportations like to associate themselves with winners. This mantra applies to both sports and to life. At the moment, Tiger is taking a leave of absence to seek therapy for sex addiction. There's only one cure for that and it involves a briss without an anesthetic. I'm not too optistic that they'll be any early takers, although Trojan may jump on board.

So while Tiger continues to ask for forgiveness, is there really any doubt that he won't receive it? We live in a country influenced heavily by Hollywood and we love a good comeback story.

Tiger will eventually be the next Academy Award winning picture.

Google Doesn't fall far from the Apple

We already live in a highly technological world seemingly run by two deities named Google and Apple. They've been praised for their innovation, sophistication, and seem to have an uncanny ability to know the answers to the test before it's given. In essence, they've simplified the complexities of life, many of which, we didn't even know we had.

Now they've applied this winning formula to commercial television. Companies of this size are typically courted by expensive ad agencies designed to make a Herculean profit in production fees for the creation of a :30 spot. They sell in the next "big idea" which typically involves an expensive director and splashy visual effects. But as their nature is to go against the grain, the respective CEOs of Google and Apple, Eric Schmidt and Steve Jobs, decided to leave the technical wizardry to themselves and chose copy which mirrored their products - - simplicity.

Apple was first. With the launch of the iPhone, they positioned this new product by displaying a pair of hands, manipulating the device to watch a movie, search for calamari, find a restaurant, and call for reservations all in a matter of seconds. Thirty seconds to be exact. They didn't include a spokesperson, or any visible actors. Just hands and a narrator. They eventually graduated to the 3G iPhone and managed to create a tagline that has become part of our vernacular by declaring that "there's an app for that." The commercial was a tutorial, fun, and most of all, simple.

Google took notice and this year, ran their very first Super Bowl ad. But what could Google say about themselves that already hasn't been said? The answer is...nothing. So they stuck to their bread and butter which is and always will be search. Entitled, "Parisian Love", they showed how a man, through Google, could research studying abroad in Paris, translate French, buy chocolates for a girl at a cafe, find a church for a Parisian wedding, and finally get help assembling a crib. Now who knew that you could do all that without leaving your computer? In reality, we all did. We've all been using Google for years. But it never hurts to get a refresher. Especially when it easily resonates with the user.

At the core of Apple and at the epicenter of Google lies a basic tenet in life. You're never too good to remind people just how good you are. Now that's something we can all understand.

Facing Facts About Facebook

If you suffer from one or more of the following symptoms, please contact your doctor immediately, as you may be terminally addicted to Facebook:

HUMAN GPS SYNDROME - this common problem derives from an insatiable desire to alert your complete list of friends as to your exact whereabouts. Clearly, these people are compelled to think that they're spies and are in desperate need of back up. Some of the more exciting posts include "throwing clothes in the dryer", "changing a diaper," and "leaving a urine sample." For most, unless you're joining the mile high club or robbing a bank, your exploits are just not that newsworthy.


REPETITIVE THUMB ADDICTION - it was bad enough that Siskel and Ebert made thumbs an integral part of pop culture, but they couldn't have known that it would also lead to a Facebook community of critics. If you post a video, article, political commentary, or a general opinion, you can be sure that several of your friends will hit the Facbook thumb button, as a sign that they "like this." So now you know that your friends agree with you. What a shocker. If they didn't, they probably wouldn't be your friends in the first place.


SELF BUGGING AFFLICTION - Imagine if someone bugged your house, and you were responsible for it! Thanks to Facebook, millions have now given universal access to their conversations by creating "The Wall." And despite the knowledge that everything you post on your wall can be seen by everyone else like some massive outdoor billboard, the afflicted unabashedly continue to speak about stomach viruses, vasectomies, and bachelor parties reminiscent of "The Hangover." But who cares, right? We're all friends here and there's nothing that we say that can't be heard by every other human being we've ever met on the planet.


STATUS UPDATE OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER - Facebook is very concerned about your current status. Are you "in a relationship"? Are you recently married or perhaps single once again? In this regard, Facebook is like the paparazzi wanting the lead story in a sea of non-celebrities. Some are obsessed with letting you know if they're dating, engaged, on a honeymoon, or even divorced. When I first registered, I forgot to input my own status. The next day, I signified that I was married. My status changed, and I received several emails of congratulations despite already being married for over 10 years. I spent the next week explaining that I wasn't a newlywed, but in retrospect, I probably should have joined a wedding registry at Williams Sonoma.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE FRIENDSHIPS - During elementary school, typical friendships could change by the hour. Your best friend during lunch could be your worst enemy by recess. Back then, our methods of demarcation were much more subtle. You could eat with a different group or snub someone on the monkey bars. Facebook has made this infantile behavior far too easy. So, if you find yourself, "friending" or "deleting a friend" often, you're probably regressing to an earlier time. Seek help before your flightly behavior ruins an adult life as well as the one you probably destroyed in grade school.

INVOLUNTARY TRUTH SERUM ANXIETY - Most of us tend to be very guarded with our personal thoughts. This was the norm, of course, until Facebook starting asking, "What's on your mind?" Who knew that all you had to do was ask, and people would begin singing like canaries? That empty box apparently makes a good percentage of the population very nervous. So people fill it in with whatever they're thinking about. Opining on American Idol, divulging personal gifts from loved ones, complaints about their bosses....it's all fair game. Just keep it between us.

If you have any or all of these symptoms, it's not too late to get help. I was told of a rehab facility where addicts learn how to pick up the phone to speak with friends, and actually make and keep plans to meet. Many engage in real interpersonal conversation. I can't remember the number off hand.

But don't worry. I'll post it on Facebook.

Be Careful What You Wish For

The monstrous recall from Toyota has served as a reminder that even the most prominent companies are sometimes vulnerable to having their reputations compromised. Although the business schools will be dissecting this case study for years as a prototype for overproduction, cost cutting, and poor corporate communications, the most important lesson may be the necessary meticulous selection of a company tag line.

Isn't it ironic that Toyota currently uses "Moving Forward" when they just announced a recall for a jammed accelerator pedal that will cause their cars to....move forward? The joke writes itself. But don't kid yourself. This is far from a unique situation for corporate America. It was just one year ago that AIG, in a weakened position and with the threat of their demise in front of them, had to live with "The Strength to Be There." If it wasn't for our tax money, they wouldn't be here.

I would be remiss if I didn't discuss the King of all Faux Pas from managerial consulting behemoth, Accenture. They chose to sign a sizable contract with Tiger Woods to be their corporate pitch man. However, the creatives didn't have a clue that when they chose the tag line, "Be a Tiger", that it would have less to do with Accenture's prowess in the board room, and more about Tiger's performance in the bedroom.

Sometimes corporate slogans aren't snakebitten by scandal at all, they're just too honest. Take Dunkin' Donuts for instance. Don't you find it slightly amusing that the notable sellers of coffee, a well known diuretic, professes that "America Runs on Dunkin"? Well, we can't argue with that. And let's not forget that American Airlines reminds us that "We know why you fly."With the current security measures in place, they probably know why each one of us is flying and soon they'll know the color of our underwear. I'm also not fond of Capital One constantly asking me, "What's in Your Wallet? Hey, it's none of your business.

My personal favorites are the names of the franchises themselves. I would have killed to be in the meeting when BJ's was approved. I wonder what the runner up was. STDs? And I just love Bed, Bath, and Beyond. For many, it reminds us of one of the best dates we ever had. First to bed, then a bath, and then something beyond that.

Now that's a shopping experience.

"I Do...for 36 months"

The statistics haven't changed in years. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. I think you could get better odds in this weekend's Jets/Colts game.

Now let's face the facts. Divorce certainly falls into the realm of our control, and yet many continue to repeat the mistakes of those who came before us. We marry too young, we don't choose well, we argue about money, and many cheat on their spouse. Perhaps "till death do us part" is too much too ask for such a fragile and fickle species. Maybe in this rare circumstance, we should emulate the philosophy of the car dealers.

Leases.

It sounds crazy, right? Or does it? A man and a woman decide to get married. Both sides must first select the terms of the "contract." Standard agreements start at 36 months. At the end, both parties have an option to "buy" and extend the original contract. If the couple decides to part ways, it's a clean break with no attorney fees or the division of property. Both parties would be free to begin a new lease, with a new partner and no money down.

A three year term is an ideal test for any marriage. We learn about what it's like to share the same bed, the ability to do chores, and spending habits. It provides ample time to go on vacations, spend time with family during the holidays, and even buy real estate.

But wait, what about children? Don't worry. The lease has a provision for this too. The only couples permitted to have children are those who get through the initial terms of the lease. If you extend, then and only then, will the baby window begin to open. I just have this gut feeling that more people would stay together, and no one would have kids before they're truly ready.

Maybe when Predident Obama speaks of "change", he should add marriage leases to his list. Just don't forget to order the Bluetooth and the DVD player.

Save and a Beauty

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to retire at 65. I'm not saying that there aren't exceptions to the rule. If you work on Wall Street, your firm may be coming off a record year in profitability in an industry that has proven it's Teflon even in the worst of times.

To those fortunate and successful enough to own their own businesses for a number of years, I say congratulations. Your company may be passed on to another generation, or sold outside the family at a sizable profit. But for the majority of us who still find ourselves immersed in the quicksand of corporate America, I'd recommend learning the rudiments of a cash register because you're headed for a retail job at the end of your career.

We've been brainwashed by the financial planners and by the many analysts on CNBC who like to toss around fancy terms like "dollar cost average", "diversification" and "compound growth." The problem with the suggestions of never timing the market, not putting all your eggs in one basket, and reinvesting profits is that they were all based on antiquated models. The world has changed, and the stock market has quickly followed.

The old mantras were based on a long term rolling averages of stock performance since the Great Depression. Unfortunately, that was well before airline passengers were placing bombs in their underwear and people were sold mortgages on property they couldn't afford. As a result, we're now all too familiar with what can happen to our portfolios when the bottom drops out.

So what can we do?

Save. We're a society of shoppers wanting the latest in technology, or hoarding up on clothes and shoes upon hearing about the next sale. We are surrounded by a sea of strip malls outside, and by retail websites when we're inside. You just break out the plastic, and you're off to the races.

Financial planners now tell us that we need at least 6 months of expenses sitting in cash in the event that you find yourself without a job. How many of us truly have that much on the sidelines.? Maybe it's time that our national pastime convert from shopping to something more constructive, like saving.

Then, maybe, just maybe our retirement years won't include asking about paper or plastic.