As this will be one of my last blogs of the year, I'll keep with my custom (if 3 years qualifies as a custom) and share my random musings about the last 12 months:
I should have known the Mayans wouldn't get it right. They also picked the Jets to make the playoffs......
Considering Steven Spielberg's ability to tell a story, I thought "Lincoln" would have had a different ending....
2012 was so bad, I wish it could have ended in June.....
You know there's something wrong with our priorities when "Gangnam Style" was web searched more than "Korea tests nuclear bombs"........
The most recent hurricane and my ex Mother-in-Law are now 2 reasons for me to dislike the name "Sandy".....
While we're on the subject of gun control, let's add water guns to the list. I hate when the kids spray me in the face.....
Could you imagine if they produced "We are the World" today? It just wouldn't be the same with Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato, Rihanna, and Katy Perry.......
If Apple made an iPad Mini mini...it would be called an iPhone.......
The Fiscal Cliff would have been settled years ago if we had better rock climbers.....
Activision needs to make a public statement saying that "Call of Duty" isn't an instruction manual.....
It's been reported that Facebook can capture personal search data after you hit the "Like" button.....I don't like this....
The word "tablet" has a whole new meaning today.....when I was a kid, it referred to medication.....
People are getting more passive-aggressive. It's even in our music. That's why Carly Rae Jepson says, "Call Me......Maybe....."
I discovered very quickly that it's cheaper to buy Lucky Charms than Pandora's charms.....
EZ-Pass is still great. But I think they should change the name of the cash lane to "Dumb-Ass.".....
If online dating is filled with people who are well-educated, happy, well-travelled, financially sound, intellectual, and fun.....why do they all need dates?
Woody Allen once said that "the last time he was inside a woman, he was in the Statue of Liberty." I don't remember the last time I was in the Statue of Liberty.....
Mayor Bloomberg couldn't have picked two more unrelated targets......Guns and Soda......
Politicians keep telling us to look on the bright side....that's hard to do with their heads in their asses......
Amazingly, my divorce was shorter than the fighting in the Middle East....
Instagram didn't turn a profit, had only 13 employees, but sold for a billion dollars....they didn't teach me how to do that in college....
Thanks to Mitt Romney, Big Bird became more popular than Larry Bird.....
A-rod will soon need a rod in his hip......
On New Years Eve, New York shouldn't drop a ball, but instead something we'd like to get rid of....like our Blackberrys....
HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO ALL...
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
A Halo Over Newtown
A country mourns and will continue mourning over the unimaginable shootings that took place and took lives in an elementary school in Connecticut.
Facebook, Twitter, radio and television talk shows have lit up with thousands of people giving their opinions on what measures need to be taken to prevent acts like this from ever happening again.
Thus far, I've heard plenty about gun control which has seemed blatantly obvious since Columbine. However, politics has reigned king on this one and may continue to do so. I've even read a few more militant solutions which call for more guns in the form of security guards and policeman in schools and in other public places.
And then, similar to the anti-cigarette lobby, Hollywood was vehemently attacked for making R-rated films that glorify blood, guts, and killers that all suffer from severe psychological disorders with access to guns.
As for me, I've begun to realize that a different culprit lies in the shadows at places like Best Buy, Gamestop, and Target. And that's where you can find games like Halo and Grand Theft Auto. Despite the warnings on their labels about being appropriate for older children, many parents buy them for their pre-tween and tween boys.
I know this seems trite and an easy solution to explain away these violent acts, but let's look a little deeper and under the epidermis of these mass killings. The recent shooter in Newtown was found wearing a military vest that held significant ammunition, as well as several guns, including an assault rifle. In the mall shooting in Oregon the gunman was wearing another load-bearing vest which is a military style garment meant for carrying heavy equipment. The shooter at a movie theater in Colorado was wearing a helmet, vest, leggings, groin and throat protector. It was then that I remembered seeing a recent ad for the latest version of "Halo," and then the picture became even clearer.
Let me share a few stats with you. The game Halo is currently in it's fourth generation. The third version did $170 million in sales on it's first day, and Halo 4 surpassed that number with $220 million during it's debut. In total, these games have now made $3.4 billion for.....Microsoft, maker of Xbox.
Just ask yourself why deranged killers that walk into movie theaters, malls, and schools need all this weaponry and equipment to fight against defenseless patrons, teachers, and school children. F
irst, there isn't a threat. So no one's going to fire back. Masking yourself is also a fruitless exercise because in an abundant number of these cases, the shooter kills himself afterwards. Therefore, they're hiding from no one. The weapons themselves have predominantly been those used by the military and not civilians leading me to this solitary belief:
THESE KILLERS BELIEVE THAT THEY'RE IN A VIDEO GAME THAT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST
So, what can we do to stop it? Can you stand in front of Microsoft in Seattle and demand answers? Can we force Bill Gates or Steve Ballmer to invest enough money into the anti-gun lobby to move the needle? Will they ever stop making games like this?
Here are the short answers to the test. NO, NO, and NO.
But here's what we can do:
1- If you have a child that borders on having any diagnosed psychological condition, particularly those that are on medication, you should not be allowed to legally or morally purchase these games.
2- If you legally own a handgun, rifle, assault weapon, or whatever, you should be on a list and be banned from owning this game or those like it.
3- This one is for Hollywood. Do not make any more movies about Halo or any facsimile video game.
4- If your child exhibits violent tendencies, or is on medication to curb any behavioral disorder, it is the parents' responsibility to keep him out of any movies that glorify gun violence.
You need more proof of the connection? The killers are all male, and are all in their early 20's. They just had several years in front of their X-boxes and their movies watching how to execute. Studying, learning. These kids must be taken away from these screens. Not tomorrow, but today. Very few people decide to pick up a hobby like violent video games and movies in their 20's. They had years of practice. So, by the time they're of age, the guns are loaded and ready.
I don't know how to make this point any clearer. We can scream from rooftops, blast social media with our desires, solicit our congressman and we'll barely move the needle. But take children away from a world of fantasy where you kill for points and you'll make a difference.
Like most things in life, change begins at home.
I know this seems trite and an easy solution to explain away these violent acts, but let's look a little deeper and under the epidermis of these mass killings. The recent shooter in Newtown was found wearing a military vest that held significant ammunition, as well as several guns, including an assault rifle. In the mall shooting in Oregon the gunman was wearing another load-bearing vest which is a military style garment meant for carrying heavy equipment. The shooter at a movie theater in Colorado was wearing a helmet, vest, leggings, groin and throat protector. It was then that I remembered seeing a recent ad for the latest version of "Halo," and then the picture became even clearer.
Let me share a few stats with you. The game Halo is currently in it's fourth generation. The third version did $170 million in sales on it's first day, and Halo 4 surpassed that number with $220 million during it's debut. In total, these games have now made $3.4 billion for.....Microsoft, maker of Xbox.
Just ask yourself why deranged killers that walk into movie theaters, malls, and schools need all this weaponry and equipment to fight against defenseless patrons, teachers, and school children. F
THESE KILLERS BELIEVE THAT THEY'RE IN A VIDEO GAME THAT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST
So, what can we do to stop it? Can you stand in front of Microsoft in Seattle and demand answers? Can we force Bill Gates or Steve Ballmer to invest enough money into the anti-gun lobby to move the needle? Will they ever stop making games like this?
Here are the short answers to the test. NO, NO, and NO.
But here's what we can do:
1- If you have a child that borders on having any diagnosed psychological condition, particularly those that are on medication, you should not be allowed to legally or morally purchase these games.
2- If you legally own a handgun, rifle, assault weapon, or whatever, you should be on a list and be banned from owning this game or those like it.
3- This one is for Hollywood. Do not make any more movies about Halo or any facsimile video game.
4- If your child exhibits violent tendencies, or is on medication to curb any behavioral disorder, it is the parents' responsibility to keep him out of any movies that glorify gun violence.
You need more proof of the connection? The killers are all male, and are all in their early 20's. They just had several years in front of their X-boxes and their movies watching how to execute. Studying, learning. These kids must be taken away from these screens. Not tomorrow, but today. Very few people decide to pick up a hobby like violent video games and movies in their 20's. They had years of practice. So, by the time they're of age, the guns are loaded and ready.
I don't know how to make this point any clearer. We can scream from rooftops, blast social media with our desires, solicit our congressman and we'll barely move the needle. But take children away from a world of fantasy where you kill for points and you'll make a difference.
Like most things in life, change begins at home.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Best Buys
By now, you've probably been rendered black and blue by Black Friday and most likely a little sore from Cyber Monday. And I can understand it. After all, you've just been bombarded with promotion from all sides with titles like "for a limited time", "just this weekend", and "while supplies last" enticing you to part with your money before it's too late.
The question that we really have to ask is not how much we've saved, but what we've truly gotten for our money. Because more often that not, we are overpaying. Not in a monetary sense. We're overpaying based on what these items are truly worth to us.
Take a smart phone for instance. The physical device usually costs about $200 bucks minimum. Then, you have to pay for the monthly data plan. So for just year one, you've dropped almost a thousand dollars to mostly text your friends, look at pictures on Facebook and Instagram, and oh yeah, occasionally make a phone call. Before long, the next exciting new phone is released which you have to have, and the process starts all over again.
So before you drop a bundle on what you think gives you back everything that you put in, consider that there are actually several other gifts you can buy or upgrade this holiday season that will hold its value much longer than most.
For instance, furniture. On the surface, this is one of the most expensive categories you can delve into. Or is it? If you want to furnish an entire room with couches, chairs, ottomans, coffee tables, and more, it's possible to drop several thousand dollars before you can blink. That sounds expensive. And it is. That's why furniture retailers are always touting interest free financing for a year. It softens the blow. But the truth is that most of your recently bought furniture could easily sit in your living room or den for at least a decade, turning your investment into just $1000 per year or under $100 per month. Under $100 so you can entertain, showcase a room, watch your big screen tv, have family game night and more. Let's see a Droid do that.
Another amazing deal that never seems that way at the time is music. A song on iTunes costs $1.29. Some of us are pissed because many of these songs used to be just .99 cents. The nerve of Apple! But in reality, we drop a little under the cost of a Metro Card swipe, and we get something we really like....forever. That's right. You can use it as many times as you like and it never gets old. Not only that, but thanks to the Cloud and multiple mobile devices, you can take this song just about anywhere. How many times do you think you play a typical song over your lifetime? A few hundred? A thousand? If you amortized this and really did the math, Apple would owe you money.
Now that we're headed into the winter, a lot of us will wear a wide selection of coats and jackets. You need one for the football game, and another for skiing. An over coat for work, but a casual wool coat for the weekend. So, when you look in your closet, you realize that you've had many of these items for years. Many of them may have cost between $500 and $2000, and you cringed at the cash register. But if you think about how many days you've worn them, it may turn out to be just $1 a day. You'll have to periodically buy a new one here and there, but don't hesitate. It's the best deal in your closet.
At the start of the new year, several of us will join new health clubs to coincide with a resolution we'll never keep. Gyms are getting fancier than ever with spa-like locker rooms and lap pools. After the tour, they break the news that you have to pay a membership fee and then close to $100 per month or $1200 per year. While at the gym, you'll use treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals. You may use the pool. You'll work on nautilus machines and lift free weights. If you had all this equipment in your house, it would probably be over $15,000. Some of the machines would eventually break, and you'd be responsible for fixing it. At the gym, you just move to a different machine. When you calculate the added health benefit of the exercise, there may be no better deal in the world.
The last very valuable item that consumers consistently bitch about is the cost of their phone/internet/cable package. Everyone moans about the monthly cost and switches their provider every one or two years to get the best deal. In the end, they settle around $150 per month or about $2,000 per year. For this price, you can stay on the phone for an unlimited amount of time with anyone in the country. You can access the internet with lightning speed which in turn gives you access to Facebook, iTunes, You Tube, Google, Yahoo, and Netflix. When you have HBO and Showtime, you can watch high quality shows without commercials and on multiple devices. With the right set up, you can even view the internet on your television, or make a phone call on the internet. In terms of data communication and entertainment, there really isn't anything you can't do. So is $2000 per year really a bad deal to have your entire life On Demand?
So, the next time you think you've found the perfect gift for the perfect price, remember that the best deals out there are already sitting in your house.
The question that we really have to ask is not how much we've saved, but what we've truly gotten for our money. Because more often that not, we are overpaying. Not in a monetary sense. We're overpaying based on what these items are truly worth to us.
Take a smart phone for instance. The physical device usually costs about $200 bucks minimum. Then, you have to pay for the monthly data plan. So for just year one, you've dropped almost a thousand dollars to mostly text your friends, look at pictures on Facebook and Instagram, and oh yeah, occasionally make a phone call. Before long, the next exciting new phone is released which you have to have, and the process starts all over again.
So before you drop a bundle on what you think gives you back everything that you put in, consider that there are actually several other gifts you can buy or upgrade this holiday season that will hold its value much longer than most.
For instance, furniture. On the surface, this is one of the most expensive categories you can delve into. Or is it? If you want to furnish an entire room with couches, chairs, ottomans, coffee tables, and more, it's possible to drop several thousand dollars before you can blink. That sounds expensive. And it is. That's why furniture retailers are always touting interest free financing for a year. It softens the blow. But the truth is that most of your recently bought furniture could easily sit in your living room or den for at least a decade, turning your investment into just $1000 per year or under $100 per month. Under $100 so you can entertain, showcase a room, watch your big screen tv, have family game night and more. Let's see a Droid do that.
Another amazing deal that never seems that way at the time is music. A song on iTunes costs $1.29. Some of us are pissed because many of these songs used to be just .99 cents. The nerve of Apple! But in reality, we drop a little under the cost of a Metro Card swipe, and we get something we really like....forever. That's right. You can use it as many times as you like and it never gets old. Not only that, but thanks to the Cloud and multiple mobile devices, you can take this song just about anywhere. How many times do you think you play a typical song over your lifetime? A few hundred? A thousand? If you amortized this and really did the math, Apple would owe you money.
Now that we're headed into the winter, a lot of us will wear a wide selection of coats and jackets. You need one for the football game, and another for skiing. An over coat for work, but a casual wool coat for the weekend. So, when you look in your closet, you realize that you've had many of these items for years. Many of them may have cost between $500 and $2000, and you cringed at the cash register. But if you think about how many days you've worn them, it may turn out to be just $1 a day. You'll have to periodically buy a new one here and there, but don't hesitate. It's the best deal in your closet.
At the start of the new year, several of us will join new health clubs to coincide with a resolution we'll never keep. Gyms are getting fancier than ever with spa-like locker rooms and lap pools. After the tour, they break the news that you have to pay a membership fee and then close to $100 per month or $1200 per year. While at the gym, you'll use treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals. You may use the pool. You'll work on nautilus machines and lift free weights. If you had all this equipment in your house, it would probably be over $15,000. Some of the machines would eventually break, and you'd be responsible for fixing it. At the gym, you just move to a different machine. When you calculate the added health benefit of the exercise, there may be no better deal in the world.
The last very valuable item that consumers consistently bitch about is the cost of their phone/internet/cable package. Everyone moans about the monthly cost and switches their provider every one or two years to get the best deal. In the end, they settle around $150 per month or about $2,000 per year. For this price, you can stay on the phone for an unlimited amount of time with anyone in the country. You can access the internet with lightning speed which in turn gives you access to Facebook, iTunes, You Tube, Google, Yahoo, and Netflix. When you have HBO and Showtime, you can watch high quality shows without commercials and on multiple devices. With the right set up, you can even view the internet on your television, or make a phone call on the internet. In terms of data communication and entertainment, there really isn't anything you can't do. So is $2000 per year really a bad deal to have your entire life On Demand?
So, the next time you think you've found the perfect gift for the perfect price, remember that the best deals out there are already sitting in your house.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Knocked Hockey
For most people, Thanksgiving is defined by the the 3 F's:
Family, Food, and Football
As for me, I've always focused on the first two. Because unlike the rest of the free world, I'm just not that into football. In some houses, this belief system would force me into a time-out in the corner, or be relegated to the kitchen and speak to some of the ladies about Rachael Ray, or some reality show on the Food Network. So be it.
I looked forward to Thanksgiving so I could watch hockey. That's right. A Canadian sport. And yes, from that northern country that celebrates Boxing Day instead of Thanksgiving. I'd rather watch two players throw their helmets and gloves off and duke it out rather than watch a guy pummel a helpless player catching a pass in mid-field. Hey, we all have our preferences.
But now, yet again, I will be without hockey on Thanksgiving. For this, I can give thanks to yet another NHL lockout; the second in just eight years. My fear is that this one is going to last well beyond Thanksgiving. I don't think I'll even see a puck drop by Christmas. Therefore, I must prepare for the worst and find different activities that replace the adrenaline rush I used to get from watching these toothless warriors skate around.
The first thing I need to solve is replacing violence in a skating arena. For that, I'm going to You Tube to watch the footage of the Nancy Kerrigan and Tanya Harding incident. Boy, I would love to have seen those two duke it out on the ice. My money's on Tanya.
I've always had an affinity for the goalies in hockey, and you just don't get a chance to see them every day. So, I think I'll download all the Halloween movies so I can see Jason in a classic Ken Dryden mask. I'm going to turn the volume down because he seems much less scary when you can't hear that foreboding music that just says, "look out behind you!"
It's hard to find a reason for people to use a hockey stick beyond, well, hockey. But I have a few ideas to put mine to good use. The first thing is to replace my broom. Brooms get dirty very quickly and cleaning them is even messier. (or should I say Messier?) Using a hockey stick to sweep dirt into a dustpan is much cooler and can make for great exercise. Cleaning up glass is a little trickier, but glass looks a lot like ice giving the process a more authentic feel.
I'm also going to replace my snow brush and ice pick. There's nothing sexy about taking snow and ice off your car. But there will be now, as you stick handle your way down the hood, across the windshields, and against the side mirrors. If you do this while wearing a hockey jersey, you can expect to find yourself on You Tube pretty quickly. And probably with a lot of views.
In keeping with the snow theme, I'm also going to rent my own Zamboni. After all, what are they using them for these days? I'll keep it in my garage, and on those really icy days, I'll use it on the driveway. This will help level out the chips, and I'll be able to create my very own rink. Just think how happy the kids are going to be when they can go ice skating without ever leaving the house.
Referees are people I'm definitely going to miss. There's just something about how those black and white stripes really stand out. As a replacement, I'll tune in to a few hours of Animal Planet and watch the Zebras. The lions in pursuit of their prey can play the role of the fired up coaches that argue the calls made by the zebra refs.
The hardest iconic hockey piece to replace is by far the face-off. It's one of the greatest battles in sports. Mano-a-mano, you stare up at your opponent and give them that nasty stare down. There can only be one winner, and you both dig in your heels and fight to the death for victory. Where else am I going to find that kind of intensity with such great frequency? Oh yeah. I still have my ex-wife.
In the end, I guess there just isn't a cure-all for a hockey lock-out. So today, I will dutifully watch football and secretly dream of grabbing a few turkey legs for sticks and a wish bone for a puck.
Game on.
Family, Food, and Football
As for me, I've always focused on the first two. Because unlike the rest of the free world, I'm just not that into football. In some houses, this belief system would force me into a time-out in the corner, or be relegated to the kitchen and speak to some of the ladies about Rachael Ray, or some reality show on the Food Network. So be it.
I looked forward to Thanksgiving so I could watch hockey. That's right. A Canadian sport. And yes, from that northern country that celebrates Boxing Day instead of Thanksgiving. I'd rather watch two players throw their helmets and gloves off and duke it out rather than watch a guy pummel a helpless player catching a pass in mid-field. Hey, we all have our preferences.
But now, yet again, I will be without hockey on Thanksgiving. For this, I can give thanks to yet another NHL lockout; the second in just eight years. My fear is that this one is going to last well beyond Thanksgiving. I don't think I'll even see a puck drop by Christmas. Therefore, I must prepare for the worst and find different activities that replace the adrenaline rush I used to get from watching these toothless warriors skate around.
The first thing I need to solve is replacing violence in a skating arena. For that, I'm going to You Tube to watch the footage of the Nancy Kerrigan and Tanya Harding incident. Boy, I would love to have seen those two duke it out on the ice. My money's on Tanya.
I've always had an affinity for the goalies in hockey, and you just don't get a chance to see them every day. So, I think I'll download all the Halloween movies so I can see Jason in a classic Ken Dryden mask. I'm going to turn the volume down because he seems much less scary when you can't hear that foreboding music that just says, "look out behind you!"
It's hard to find a reason for people to use a hockey stick beyond, well, hockey. But I have a few ideas to put mine to good use. The first thing is to replace my broom. Brooms get dirty very quickly and cleaning them is even messier. (or should I say Messier?) Using a hockey stick to sweep dirt into a dustpan is much cooler and can make for great exercise. Cleaning up glass is a little trickier, but glass looks a lot like ice giving the process a more authentic feel.
I'm also going to replace my snow brush and ice pick. There's nothing sexy about taking snow and ice off your car. But there will be now, as you stick handle your way down the hood, across the windshields, and against the side mirrors. If you do this while wearing a hockey jersey, you can expect to find yourself on You Tube pretty quickly. And probably with a lot of views.
In keeping with the snow theme, I'm also going to rent my own Zamboni. After all, what are they using them for these days? I'll keep it in my garage, and on those really icy days, I'll use it on the driveway. This will help level out the chips, and I'll be able to create my very own rink. Just think how happy the kids are going to be when they can go ice skating without ever leaving the house.
Referees are people I'm definitely going to miss. There's just something about how those black and white stripes really stand out. As a replacement, I'll tune in to a few hours of Animal Planet and watch the Zebras. The lions in pursuit of their prey can play the role of the fired up coaches that argue the calls made by the zebra refs.
The hardest iconic hockey piece to replace is by far the face-off. It's one of the greatest battles in sports. Mano-a-mano, you stare up at your opponent and give them that nasty stare down. There can only be one winner, and you both dig in your heels and fight to the death for victory. Where else am I going to find that kind of intensity with such great frequency? Oh yeah. I still have my ex-wife.
In the end, I guess there just isn't a cure-all for a hockey lock-out. So today, I will dutifully watch football and secretly dream of grabbing a few turkey legs for sticks and a wish bone for a puck.
Game on.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Say Yes To More Reality Mess
Every time my kids have a territorial advantage on the remote control, I'm forced to watch some reality show. Lately, the brain numbing program of choice has been "Say Yes to the Dress." Now, I don't need to go into great detail as to why this doesn't appeal to me. And it's compounded by the fact that I haven't seen a puck hit the ice in over two months.
Nonetheless, I'm forced to watch women of all shapes, sizes, and tattoos argue with everyone from salespeople, bridesmaids, and their mothers about which dress to select for an occasion that will last about 5 hours.
Suffice it to say that I couldn't "Care Less about the Dress." But my kids certainly do. My older daughter gets caught up in all the nuances of the family drama, while my youngest says, "I just like seeing all the different dresses.'' So, after several airings of this garbage, I thought, if you can't beat them...join them.
I started thinking about some spinoffs that would be much more interesting. As the next step after the wedding could be the decision to start a family, wouldn't it be great to see young couples bickering over whether or not have a kid?
"What do you mean we don't have the money?!!"
"I haven't even seen Italy yet!"
"I don't know how to change a diaper"
"Your mother's really been a pain in the ass"
And the name of our new hit show......."Say Maybe To The Baby." I smell a hit. There's just nothing better than a couple fighting vehemently about the biological clock. So this show runs its course, and eventually someone caves and they have the baby. They have to quickly move on to the next phase which involves certain traditions you plan for after bringing a little one into the world. Which brings us to our second spin-off called...
"Say Diss to the Bris." Let's face it. There are lot of people out there who have weak stomachs. Most of us could think of a laundry list of things they would rather be doing instead of witnessing a circumcision. And for some, just the word mohel, gives some people the shakes. So the prospect of filming people's reactions to a bris has great comic potential.
After the birth of a child, the in-laws usually spend a lot more time with the happy couple, usually rendering them, well, unhappy. Inevitably, flaws come to the surface like dead fish, and the grandparents become very critical of their sons and daughters in law. This dynamic would spawn two companion shows from different perspectives. "Can't Decide on the Bride" and "There's No Room For The Groom" will run back to back on Tuesday nights for an hour of reality bliss.
The next big step in the lifecycle is deciding where to buy a house for the growing family. Once again, this can cause great drama that's certain to provide strong ratings in the key demos. This is where couples first become exposed to one of the world's great menaces: The Real Estate Broker. Here, you can sit back and try to spot a series of lies about the neighborhood and its educational system. Therefore, "Losing Patience with Your Agent" is something we've all experienced and destined to be a crowd pleaser.
Completing the circle, about 7 years into our continuing franchise, we find many of our couples under the strain of finances, soccer games, individual smothering, infidelity, and more. This fiery period will draw us in to a world where the marriage eventually becomes unhinged, making "Get This Louse Out Of My House" an instant classic.
The beauty is that a majority of these couples will eventually get remarried, and when they do, we can watch them return on "Say Yes To The Dress."
Life really is its own reality show.
Nonetheless, I'm forced to watch women of all shapes, sizes, and tattoos argue with everyone from salespeople, bridesmaids, and their mothers about which dress to select for an occasion that will last about 5 hours.
Suffice it to say that I couldn't "Care Less about the Dress." But my kids certainly do. My older daughter gets caught up in all the nuances of the family drama, while my youngest says, "I just like seeing all the different dresses.'' So, after several airings of this garbage, I thought, if you can't beat them...join them.
I started thinking about some spinoffs that would be much more interesting. As the next step after the wedding could be the decision to start a family, wouldn't it be great to see young couples bickering over whether or not have a kid?
"What do you mean we don't have the money?!!"
"I haven't even seen Italy yet!"
"I don't know how to change a diaper"
"Your mother's really been a pain in the ass"
And the name of our new hit show......."Say Maybe To The Baby." I smell a hit. There's just nothing better than a couple fighting vehemently about the biological clock. So this show runs its course, and eventually someone caves and they have the baby. They have to quickly move on to the next phase which involves certain traditions you plan for after bringing a little one into the world. Which brings us to our second spin-off called...
"Say Diss to the Bris." Let's face it. There are lot of people out there who have weak stomachs. Most of us could think of a laundry list of things they would rather be doing instead of witnessing a circumcision. And for some, just the word mohel, gives some people the shakes. So the prospect of filming people's reactions to a bris has great comic potential.
After the birth of a child, the in-laws usually spend a lot more time with the happy couple, usually rendering them, well, unhappy. Inevitably, flaws come to the surface like dead fish, and the grandparents become very critical of their sons and daughters in law. This dynamic would spawn two companion shows from different perspectives. "Can't Decide on the Bride" and "There's No Room For The Groom" will run back to back on Tuesday nights for an hour of reality bliss.
The next big step in the lifecycle is deciding where to buy a house for the growing family. Once again, this can cause great drama that's certain to provide strong ratings in the key demos. This is where couples first become exposed to one of the world's great menaces: The Real Estate Broker. Here, you can sit back and try to spot a series of lies about the neighborhood and its educational system. Therefore, "Losing Patience with Your Agent" is something we've all experienced and destined to be a crowd pleaser.
Completing the circle, about 7 years into our continuing franchise, we find many of our couples under the strain of finances, soccer games, individual smothering, infidelity, and more. This fiery period will draw us in to a world where the marriage eventually becomes unhinged, making "Get This Louse Out Of My House" an instant classic.
The beauty is that a majority of these couples will eventually get remarried, and when they do, we can watch them return on "Say Yes To The Dress."
Life really is its own reality show.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Sandy vs 9/11
In this corner, weighing 3 million pounds, emanating from various areas of the Middle East.....it's Niiinneeee Eeeeeleeeveeen! And in the opposite corner, weighing in at a similar 3 million pounds...from the intersection of the U.S. and Canada...Huuriiicaaaane Saaannnddyyy!
It would be quite a boxing match if it ever occurred in some parallel universe, but no matter. An actual battle has been playing out in broadcast media, social media, and even in that antiquated medium called print. The comparisons are being made at many different levels, led predominantly by politicians, and for the purposes of federal reimbursement and decisions about safety.
First, it seems pointless to compare these events on any level. One was a calculated, diabolically planned terrorist attack that developed over many years. The other was a natural occurrence without any natural enemies that took just a few weeks to develop. But don't get me wrong. The damage inflicted was equally devastating and they cut deep into our collective psyches. However, to be fair, it's worth exploring the notable similarities and differences.
Hurricane Sandy and 9/11 shut down the U.S stock market. They closed public transportation, many businesses, and schools. They made it difficult for people to focus on anything else but the immediate matters at hand, and it exposed a breach in our security. Communication was virtually shut down, and it became difficult to alert your friends and family about your whereabouts. These events even forced our political leaders to rise to the occasion and many raised their profiles and approval ratings.
They also brought us closer together. We began to talk to people that we'd usually ignore. Race and religion no longer mattered. We were all Americans. Americans challenged to get their lives back together. It also made us take a second look at what we had. If your family was still in tact, you were grateful. If your house was still intact, you were grateful. So it made us take pause; something that we rarely schedule into our weekly calendars.
But that's where the comparisons end.
When the towers fell, more people perished. It was over 3000. With the hurricane, the number stood near 43. (Please note that these numbers are only for the basis of comparison, as just a single death is too many.) 9/11 essentially turned off lower Manhattan, and specifically those areas near Wall Street. Hurricane Sandy shut down power for over 50 percent of the tri-State area, many of whom are still without it.
The terrorist attack shook us at our foundations, including friends, families, and co-workers. Hurricane Sandy shook the foundations of houses, businesses, boardwalks, sending many into the ocean or just into a state of massive dilapidation. After 9/11, most of us had places to return to, either home or business. In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, some people don't know where to go.
9/11 was a massive violation. Hurricane Sandy was a massive Armageddon. Right now, people haven't had their power for a full week. Gas is scarce, and the working pumps have 2 hour lines. I have co-workers that lost their homes and friends spending several days in other peoples homes just for heat and hot water. Some of these may even be out of state.
And yet, we still have people trying to link these two events. The New York City Marathon was a great example. The initial thought was if we ran the race after 9/11, we shouldn't have a problem running it now. We all know how that turned out. It also seemed like the Red Cross naturally gravitated to downtown Manhattan again, because the power was shut down there, and after all, that's where they went last time. Meanwhile, the people on Staten Island and in Queens that really needed the immediate help, had to wait longer. It was even rumored that before the cancellation of the NYC Marathon, Mayor Bloomberg called former Mayor Rudy Giuliani to ask for advice. Are you kidding?
I think it's time we stop connecting these two events and let them stand on their own. They are different, and so are our feelings towards them. Instead, let's focus our efforts through all means possible, getting assistance to the people who really need it.
Help someone get gas for his generator. Bring food and water to an area without it. Offer your homes to friends and neighbors without power. And most importantly, keep people informed.
9/11 and Hurricane Sandy are in similar weight classes - they're both heavyweights. But that's where the comparisons end.
It would be quite a boxing match if it ever occurred in some parallel universe, but no matter. An actual battle has been playing out in broadcast media, social media, and even in that antiquated medium called print. The comparisons are being made at many different levels, led predominantly by politicians, and for the purposes of federal reimbursement and decisions about safety.
First, it seems pointless to compare these events on any level. One was a calculated, diabolically planned terrorist attack that developed over many years. The other was a natural occurrence without any natural enemies that took just a few weeks to develop. But don't get me wrong. The damage inflicted was equally devastating and they cut deep into our collective psyches. However, to be fair, it's worth exploring the notable similarities and differences.
Hurricane Sandy and 9/11 shut down the U.S stock market. They closed public transportation, many businesses, and schools. They made it difficult for people to focus on anything else but the immediate matters at hand, and it exposed a breach in our security. Communication was virtually shut down, and it became difficult to alert your friends and family about your whereabouts. These events even forced our political leaders to rise to the occasion and many raised their profiles and approval ratings.
They also brought us closer together. We began to talk to people that we'd usually ignore. Race and religion no longer mattered. We were all Americans. Americans challenged to get their lives back together. It also made us take a second look at what we had. If your family was still in tact, you were grateful. If your house was still intact, you were grateful. So it made us take pause; something that we rarely schedule into our weekly calendars.
But that's where the comparisons end.
When the towers fell, more people perished. It was over 3000. With the hurricane, the number stood near 43. (Please note that these numbers are only for the basis of comparison, as just a single death is too many.) 9/11 essentially turned off lower Manhattan, and specifically those areas near Wall Street. Hurricane Sandy shut down power for over 50 percent of the tri-State area, many of whom are still without it.
The terrorist attack shook us at our foundations, including friends, families, and co-workers. Hurricane Sandy shook the foundations of houses, businesses, boardwalks, sending many into the ocean or just into a state of massive dilapidation. After 9/11, most of us had places to return to, either home or business. In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, some people don't know where to go.
9/11 was a massive violation. Hurricane Sandy was a massive Armageddon. Right now, people haven't had their power for a full week. Gas is scarce, and the working pumps have 2 hour lines. I have co-workers that lost their homes and friends spending several days in other peoples homes just for heat and hot water. Some of these may even be out of state.
And yet, we still have people trying to link these two events. The New York City Marathon was a great example. The initial thought was if we ran the race after 9/11, we shouldn't have a problem running it now. We all know how that turned out. It also seemed like the Red Cross naturally gravitated to downtown Manhattan again, because the power was shut down there, and after all, that's where they went last time. Meanwhile, the people on Staten Island and in Queens that really needed the immediate help, had to wait longer. It was even rumored that before the cancellation of the NYC Marathon, Mayor Bloomberg called former Mayor Rudy Giuliani to ask for advice. Are you kidding?
I think it's time we stop connecting these two events and let them stand on their own. They are different, and so are our feelings towards them. Instead, let's focus our efforts through all means possible, getting assistance to the people who really need it.
Help someone get gas for his generator. Bring food and water to an area without it. Offer your homes to friends and neighbors without power. And most importantly, keep people informed.
9/11 and Hurricane Sandy are in similar weight classes - they're both heavyweights. But that's where the comparisons end.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
What Can You Live Without?
This storm of all storms, ironically, named after my ex-Mother-in-Law, has caused a whirlwind of introspection. Beyond the obvious of forcing many of us to take a step backwards and analyze what's truly important in our lives, it's also caused us all to take a genuine look at what we can truly live without.
Just for starters, power isn't one of them. I never realized how much I loved power until I walked around in the dark holding a flashlight while looking for candles. Not having hot water made cold showers seem like water torture, and I didn't think I fell in love with wi-fi, but when it returns, I think I'm going to marry it.
However, in those hours of sitting in the dark and reading by iPad light I came to realize what I really didn't find essential.
Television
It's a shame to admit this, especially because I work in the business. However, didn't miss it. Baseball is over, hockey is in the middle of yet another lock out, and with the exception of just a few shows I like, the rest can be tossed off a cliff. I couldn't care less about what's happening with The New Girl, Gossip Girl, or Girls. I wouldn't miss the endless shows about vampires and zombies. For that matter, you can also strike any show with an alcoholic cop or a lawyer that bends the rules.
Ice Cream
I'm one of those who don't need a warm day to crave ice cream or frozen yogurt. Either way, when the power goes out, you're left with nothing more than defrosted sugar soup. One look at that mess and I realized that a cookie would be just fine. And much drier.
Newspaper
With an eye on full disclosure, I must admit that I did manage to get 4G service throughout the storm. Simulataneously, I missed delivery of all of my highly coveted Wall Street Journals during a similar period of time. And although I still enjoy reading a newspaper, I managed to receive all the pertient information regarding power outages, sports, business news, and more simply by perusing different news oriented websites on my iPad. It's a sad day when I can forsee a time when the printing press becomes a relic like the typewriter, but the end is near.
Mircrowave
By the time I arrive home from work, the last thing on my mind is to pretend that I'm a contestant on a Food Network show. So, I take what I have in the fridge and nuke it. I'm not proud of it. I know that these microwaves can't be good for me or frankly, for the food. But I eat it any way. Having a few days without it, forced me to improvise and get by with the stovetop. And not only does it give you a break, it also gives you more options.
Lights
This one is a little more radical. But follow it through. For half the day, you can live with natural light. By the time you're back at night, it's only a few more hours before you hit the pillow. Now think of every device that you use - cell phone, computer, laptop, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and television. Each one has a screen that lights up. With the exception of finding the toiliet, you could literarally do seveal different activities in the house with only the light from your electronics.
Those are my top 5. And as this blackout continues, I may encounter a few more for the list.
What can you live without?
Just for starters, power isn't one of them. I never realized how much I loved power until I walked around in the dark holding a flashlight while looking for candles. Not having hot water made cold showers seem like water torture, and I didn't think I fell in love with wi-fi, but when it returns, I think I'm going to marry it.
However, in those hours of sitting in the dark and reading by iPad light I came to realize what I really didn't find essential.
Television
It's a shame to admit this, especially because I work in the business. However, didn't miss it. Baseball is over, hockey is in the middle of yet another lock out, and with the exception of just a few shows I like, the rest can be tossed off a cliff. I couldn't care less about what's happening with The New Girl, Gossip Girl, or Girls. I wouldn't miss the endless shows about vampires and zombies. For that matter, you can also strike any show with an alcoholic cop or a lawyer that bends the rules.
Ice Cream
I'm one of those who don't need a warm day to crave ice cream or frozen yogurt. Either way, when the power goes out, you're left with nothing more than defrosted sugar soup. One look at that mess and I realized that a cookie would be just fine. And much drier.
Newspaper
With an eye on full disclosure, I must admit that I did manage to get 4G service throughout the storm. Simulataneously, I missed delivery of all of my highly coveted Wall Street Journals during a similar period of time. And although I still enjoy reading a newspaper, I managed to receive all the pertient information regarding power outages, sports, business news, and more simply by perusing different news oriented websites on my iPad. It's a sad day when I can forsee a time when the printing press becomes a relic like the typewriter, but the end is near.
Mircrowave
By the time I arrive home from work, the last thing on my mind is to pretend that I'm a contestant on a Food Network show. So, I take what I have in the fridge and nuke it. I'm not proud of it. I know that these microwaves can't be good for me or frankly, for the food. But I eat it any way. Having a few days without it, forced me to improvise and get by with the stovetop. And not only does it give you a break, it also gives you more options.
Lights
This one is a little more radical. But follow it through. For half the day, you can live with natural light. By the time you're back at night, it's only a few more hours before you hit the pillow. Now think of every device that you use - cell phone, computer, laptop, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and television. Each one has a screen that lights up. With the exception of finding the toiliet, you could literarally do seveal different activities in the house with only the light from your electronics.
Those are my top 5. And as this blackout continues, I may encounter a few more for the list.
What can you live without?
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