The scorecard has gone final. I've now officially had three surgeries in three years. At this pace, if I live into my 90's, I'm certain to run out of body parts to fix. Maybe by then I'll upgrade to stem cell therapy.
The more fascinating aspect of these last physically tumultuous years is the growing number of friends, family, and co-workers who have just been in an operating room or patiently waiting for one to open up. My oldest friend had his gall bladder removed. A college buddy had a heart valve replaced. One of my co-workers just had her rotator cuff repaired, and another is scheduled for a knee replacement next week. An even younger co-worker is still recovering from surgery for a herniated disc in his back. An ex co-worker recently had a hernia repair and my neighbor is scheduled for an October repair of his pelvic floor and dual adductors.
I fully understand that as I reluctantly enter middle age, I'm bound to know a few people in need of a surgical fix. And this is well before the next decade when plastic surgery will be both in vogue and the primary discussion of most dinner conversations. So it's not the sheer number of people getting their names on the surgical docket that amazes me, it's the ease and the sheer willingness to do so. Finding a surgeon isn't like picking out a house or a dog. This is some serious crap.
Our approach may have slight variations, but the protocol is the same. We seek referrals from our friends, family and other medical professionals. Some of us even pick a surgeon by geography. Could you imagine that? Select the hands that will cut you open by the proximity to your house! "Yup, I decided to go with Dr.Sharp because he lives on my cull-de-dac." What are we nuts? I don't even select a vet that way.
Regardless of the doctor we ultimately choose, when it comes to the discovery period of the procedure, we all ask the same basic questions. How long is the surgery? What's the recovery time like? What's your success ratio? And maybe, just maybe, we ask about how many procedures they've actually performed. And they share their answers with enough bravado and confidence that we accept the data for what it is. Wait a minute. Just what is it exactly? It's just statistics based on other patients and information collected from a head nurse. How do these surgeons really know unless they've experienced the procedure themselves?
I think it's time we make this a requirement of any surgeon. Before they get a degree and a license to practice, these docs have to go through at least one procedure they perform. Now I know what you're thinking. It would be unnecessary surgery and with some disciplines like cardiac and brain surgery, it may be just a bit too extreme. So let's be fair. We'll only apply these rules to orthopedics- hips, knees, shoulders, elbows, hands, feet and fingers. Most of these people will probably need one of these body parts repaired at some point anyway, so why not some real life experience that they can draw from and give patients what they really need - an honest answer.
In every surgery I've had, I tell the physical therapists afterwards what the surgeon predicts for recovery with respect to time and pain. The response is always the same. "That's what we're here for. To tell you like it really is." These physical therapists are on the front lines every day and see people at their absolute worst. So when they give you a prognosis, you tend to listen. But this would all be unnecessary if the surgeon gave you the real deal up front. Just once, I'd like to hear one of them say, "It hurts like a sonofabitch for weeks, for several nights you may cry or plan my murder, and Percoset will be your best friend and constipation your worst enemy. You'll have a very attractive scar which will forever remind you of the butcher job I did; kind of like my signature saying I was here."
It's probably never going to happen. Medical schools will never change and these docs will continue predicting your outcome and recovery based on other patients' history and not those of the actual surgeon. In the meantime, we're all stuck with rhetoric of just how easy everything will be.
Just once, I'd like to see them give it a try.
