If you're in the mood to lose a quick $100, look no further than your nearest pharmacy. Duane Reade, CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid.....it's all the same. It's not that we buy more than we used to. It's that many of the products we buy are no longer one trick ponies. They're now almost all hybrids because the industry has been masterful at reinventing themselves for decades in pursuit of profits.
Moving to Aisle 1, we find ourselves immersed with different kinds of toothpaste. At it's core, the product has been designed to clean teeth and gums with fluoride. As I kid, I had a few choices. Crest, Colgate, AIM, and Sensodyne for those sensitive types. Today, according to the box, our toothpaste could fend off everything including the Tooth Fairy. Toothpaste has breath strips, whitening power, enamel protection, lethal peroxide,and Listerine. Some will even give you a root canal. The real question is, did we really need this? Were mouths everywhere craving for more from their tootpaste? Of course not. But Proctor and Gamble, and Johnson and Johnson have caused us to live in fear. Fear that by not giving your bicuspids the very best, it could one day cause your teeth to fall out.
A stroll into Aisle 2 carries products for all your shaving needs. When I first started shaving, I used a standard razor that basically did its job, but occasionally made me look like I was attacked by Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street. A few years later, one blade became two, then three, and soon there will be five. This isn't a razor, it's a weapon. It should require a license. And when you're done, you can't trust soap to clean your face, so the invention of face wash was born. It's not soap, or after shave, it's a gel that costs a nifty $6 per bottle.
Aisle 3 gets even more challenging. This is where we find shampoo, which may as well have it's own store dedicated to it. Growing up, Head and Shoulders was the shampoo of choice because the packaged goods companies forced us to view dandruff as the equivalent to the plague. But that's not enough any more. Modern shampoo can shine, create fullness, preserve color, moisturize, strengthen roots, and do everything but trim your bangs. Did someone ask for this when I wasn't looking? When it comes to shampoo, all I really want is something that makes me look like a took a shower.
It's the same in every other aisle. Garbage bags have odor guard which seems counterintuitive to garbage itself. Pens no longer have ink, they use gel and have check fraud protection. Mouthwash kills germs, bacteria, braces, halitosis, stuck dental floss, your tongue, or anything else that's in your mouth. Condoms practically have sex for you. All this leads us to one place.
Dropping at least $100 into the hand of the cashier.
The consumer product manufacturers need to constantly evolve, or their profit margins will be compromised. So they position us as inadequate unless we use products which keep us at the peak of possible hygiene. And just in case, you've managed to resist many of these overpriced, hybrid products, they give it one more shot by teasing you with gum on the way out. But this isn't your father's gum. This pack whitens, brightens, refreshes, and squirts. It can all be yours for a mere $2 per pack. For gum?
At the pharmacy, the house always wins.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Hooray for Hollywood?
Hollywood cheats.
And they get away with it each week. Every Monday morning, our collective news media reports on grosses for movies that screened over the past weekend. We get dazzled by eye-popping numbers for a film's opening, or total gross figures for a James Cameron film that rivals the GDP of certain foreign nations. Some even make comparisons to classic films that were released decades before.
But numbers can lie. Especially when it comes to ticket sales. At one time, our parents bought their way into a double feature and possibly a newsreel with just a few sheckles from their pockets. Today, a family of four needs a credit card, and that's not just to get the points. In addition, the U.S. now boasts over 3,000 screens that include multiplexes, IMAX and 3-D theaters. Up until the mid-seventies a single film played in a solitary theatre. I wouldn't exactly call box office analysis a fair fight.
In turn, despite an extended recession, 2009 was a record year for Hollywood ticket sales. To make things more interesting, they accomplished this by releasing fewer films than the prior year. Without a dramatic rise in prices, how could this feat be accomplished? A slight of hand? Parlor trick? Creative accounting? Not quite. The studios actually executed on a sound business principle that successful companies have been using for years.
Find a product with universal appeal...then completely monopolize the distribution system.
The fact is, we love movies. They distract us from our mundane little lives. We escape reality for ninety minutes and even more importantly, we escape the house. Most of us don't even care if the reviews are good. If there's something playing less than a few miles away, we're in. In other words, Hollywood has us right where they want us. You see, even 60 inch LCD televisions and digital downloads on mobile devices are no rivals for the personal and social experience provided by a state of the art movie theater.
So, the studios take a shortcut. They release films about popular super heroes. They conservatively produce sequels to movies that weren't good the first time around. They attract young audiences with digitally animated animals in some sort of predicament, and a new wave of sexy vampires. A majority of these films fall into a specific category - - crap.
It wasn't always like this. Hollywood had a very long winning streak right through the 70's. The comparison is even more blatant when you compare some of those films with current Academy Award winners. Let's face it. How many times can you watch Crash, Chicago, No Country for Old Men, Slumdog Millonaire or The Hurt Locker? I'd be generous by saying once. From 1970-1979, the Academy awarded statuettes to films like The Godfather, One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Rocky, The Sting, and Annie Hall. All these movies were quoteable, enduring, seen more than once, and in short, well crafted.
As long as we tolerate mediocrity and voluntarily fill the theatres for the senseless drivel that emanates from Tinsel Town, we will continue to get what we deserve - - C+ material. Perhaps we all need a new hobby. Something novel.
Like actually reading one.
And they get away with it each week. Every Monday morning, our collective news media reports on grosses for movies that screened over the past weekend. We get dazzled by eye-popping numbers for a film's opening, or total gross figures for a James Cameron film that rivals the GDP of certain foreign nations. Some even make comparisons to classic films that were released decades before.
But numbers can lie. Especially when it comes to ticket sales. At one time, our parents bought their way into a double feature and possibly a newsreel with just a few sheckles from their pockets. Today, a family of four needs a credit card, and that's not just to get the points. In addition, the U.S. now boasts over 3,000 screens that include multiplexes, IMAX and 3-D theaters. Up until the mid-seventies a single film played in a solitary theatre. I wouldn't exactly call box office analysis a fair fight.
In turn, despite an extended recession, 2009 was a record year for Hollywood ticket sales. To make things more interesting, they accomplished this by releasing fewer films than the prior year. Without a dramatic rise in prices, how could this feat be accomplished? A slight of hand? Parlor trick? Creative accounting? Not quite. The studios actually executed on a sound business principle that successful companies have been using for years.
Find a product with universal appeal...then completely monopolize the distribution system.
The fact is, we love movies. They distract us from our mundane little lives. We escape reality for ninety minutes and even more importantly, we escape the house. Most of us don't even care if the reviews are good. If there's something playing less than a few miles away, we're in. In other words, Hollywood has us right where they want us. You see, even 60 inch LCD televisions and digital downloads on mobile devices are no rivals for the personal and social experience provided by a state of the art movie theater.
So, the studios take a shortcut. They release films about popular super heroes. They conservatively produce sequels to movies that weren't good the first time around. They attract young audiences with digitally animated animals in some sort of predicament, and a new wave of sexy vampires. A majority of these films fall into a specific category - - crap.
It wasn't always like this. Hollywood had a very long winning streak right through the 70's. The comparison is even more blatant when you compare some of those films with current Academy Award winners. Let's face it. How many times can you watch Crash, Chicago, No Country for Old Men, Slumdog Millonaire or The Hurt Locker? I'd be generous by saying once. From 1970-1979, the Academy awarded statuettes to films like The Godfather, One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, Rocky, The Sting, and Annie Hall. All these movies were quoteable, enduring, seen more than once, and in short, well crafted.
As long as we tolerate mediocrity and voluntarily fill the theatres for the senseless drivel that emanates from Tinsel Town, we will continue to get what we deserve - - C+ material. Perhaps we all need a new hobby. Something novel.
Like actually reading one.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Children: The Smartest People in the Room
At five years old, on the morning of Yom Kippur, my daughter was asked to apologize for anything she may have done wrong over the last twelve months. Always the pensive defendant, she paused slightly and replied, "I'd like to apologize for always being right."
Damn. Using the tactic of reverse logic, she managed to elevate her good standing. I couldn't think of any retort. I suspect God didn't either. Now, this certainly isn't the first time I've pointed out the intelligence of my eldest child. In fact, my wife and I have been doing it for years. But we're far from unique.
All parents are prone to showcasing their children once in awhile. We marvel at their first steps; the first vestige of uttered words. They put a knot in their shoelaces and we alert the media. They begin to read and we prepare to inform the Guiness Book of World Records. If these exploits occur at a markedly early age, we even label them as "gifted"
So, with all these little geniuses running around, you would think that we must be breeders of highly functional human beings and living in a world of universally successful, intellectual people. And then...they grow up.
Something horrible happens, as if a science experiment has suddenly gone awry. When the metamorphosis is complete, we're instantly overrun with cashiers who can't make correct change, surgeons that operate on the wrong leg, politicians and other public figures who think that they can be unfaithful to their spouses without being exposed, and customer service representatives who don't focus on customers or service.
For years, we've heard the expression "from the mouths of babes." The translation being that kids speak their minds with complete honesty and no remorse. It's a refreshing tactic that disappears in adulthood where we strive to be politically correct, we tolerate mediocrity in lieu of calling someone out, and we provide tenure for teachers that should righfully be unemployed.
It's really amazing if you think about it. As children, we all learned how to walk, talk, read and become self-sufficient. As adults, many of these same children should be denied a driver's license, shouldn't be allowed to procreate, or even hold a job. And we deal with scandals like Enron, the dissolution of banks, the lack of healthcare, and the Prius. It's not too impressive from a crew that was once labeled as brilliant for being so precocious in elementary school.
Maybe Tom Hanks had the right idea in "Big." Let the children run the company. They're the smartest people in the room.
Damn. Using the tactic of reverse logic, she managed to elevate her good standing. I couldn't think of any retort. I suspect God didn't either. Now, this certainly isn't the first time I've pointed out the intelligence of my eldest child. In fact, my wife and I have been doing it for years. But we're far from unique.
All parents are prone to showcasing their children once in awhile. We marvel at their first steps; the first vestige of uttered words. They put a knot in their shoelaces and we alert the media. They begin to read and we prepare to inform the Guiness Book of World Records. If these exploits occur at a markedly early age, we even label them as "gifted"
So, with all these little geniuses running around, you would think that we must be breeders of highly functional human beings and living in a world of universally successful, intellectual people. And then...they grow up.
Something horrible happens, as if a science experiment has suddenly gone awry. When the metamorphosis is complete, we're instantly overrun with cashiers who can't make correct change, surgeons that operate on the wrong leg, politicians and other public figures who think that they can be unfaithful to their spouses without being exposed, and customer service representatives who don't focus on customers or service.
For years, we've heard the expression "from the mouths of babes." The translation being that kids speak their minds with complete honesty and no remorse. It's a refreshing tactic that disappears in adulthood where we strive to be politically correct, we tolerate mediocrity in lieu of calling someone out, and we provide tenure for teachers that should righfully be unemployed.
It's really amazing if you think about it. As children, we all learned how to walk, talk, read and become self-sufficient. As adults, many of these same children should be denied a driver's license, shouldn't be allowed to procreate, or even hold a job. And we deal with scandals like Enron, the dissolution of banks, the lack of healthcare, and the Prius. It's not too impressive from a crew that was once labeled as brilliant for being so precocious in elementary school.
Maybe Tom Hanks had the right idea in "Big." Let the children run the company. They're the smartest people in the room.
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