Now that Thanksgiving is over, I have to make a confession. I love the food and football, but absolutely hate the parade. I have nothing against Macy's. I won't change my shopping habits to a retailer that doesn't support parades and fireworks. But this float fest needs an upgrade and fast. And to something significanly more meaningful.
They can keep the giant Turkey and the marching bands. Everything else must go. I don't want to see any more Disney characters and especially no more floats that exist for the sheer purpose of promoting a show on the collection of NBC Universal television networks. We also need to eliminate the shameless promotion of Broadway shows which clearly have no connection to the foundation of Thanksgiving. Unless, Andrew Lloyd Weber decides to write a love story about Pilgrims.
So what's the best redux for this parade of helium induced stars? Make it a year in review. Thanksgiving takes place at the end of the year, so it's a perfect time to reflect, and I couldn't think of a better alternative then to commemorate with large floats.
After the oversized Turkey, I think we should lead with a float filled with doctors, nurses, surgeons and other healthcare professionals. The aerial will be an inflated tongue depressor and on the side it would display "ObamaCare" in large neon lettering. To be completely authentic, the float would have to deflate somewhere near the end of the route.
Next up...a General Motors float. Several members of the corporate team will be perched near the top of this car-shaped balloon, and they'll be throwing cash at the onlookers. This will reprsent the return of the loan they received from the taxpayers, and everyone lucky enough to attend will get the refund they deserve.
Rounding the corner now is a well appointed tea cup. No, not the one from Alice in Wonderland. This one will be filled with all the Tea Party candidates that won in the latest election. For added symbolism, several of these politicians will dump tea overboard just like they did in Boston years ago.
Wait, what's that I see next? Yes, it's a giant Apple! In 2010, Apple helped reinvent the speed and efficiency in which we do many basic tasks. Steve Jobs would be in the lead position, and he'd show everyone how he's keeping the balloon inflated by using an app on his iPad.
Parades can't be all about fun and games. So we'd need one float the combines all the gut-wrenching stories of the year. This one won't be easy, but stay with me on this. It's an enormous Toyota Camry. The float intermittently accelerates without warning, shaking violently along it's path. This gives the impression of an earthquake and we quickly see that the vehicle is filled with several people from Haiti. They jump out of the car with Red Cross cans, so the attendees can donate the money that they failed to give the first time. At the rear of the car, near the gas tank, are the letters, BP. So to complete this mess, gas is leaking onto the ground. (I can dream, can't I?)
We would only allow 1 celebrity float, but this one will only contain only the shamed, not the celebrated. Tiger Woods will be the captain and he'll be seated next to Mel Gibson who will be seen wearing a yarlmacha. Lindsay Lohan stands behind him, and she'll cry consistently for the entire parade.
The last few floats will highlight some of this year's more newsworthy industries. The first will be the largest balloon in the parade - a giant Jet Blue aircraft. The base will contain a slide, and the bombastic flight attendant, Steven Slater. He'll periodically slide down while holding a gin and tonic in each hand. In the rear of the motor car, a group of people will jump in and out of a large screening machine so we can all see whether or not they're hiding their car keys. Following quickly behind will be our last float of the day. It's an enlarged prison cell. Our two dozen prisoners are all men. Some are wearing expensive navy pinstripe suits, others, neatly pressed khakis and polo shirts. No one will be recognizable except Madoff's sons. The sides of the float will simply say, "Wall Street."
Now that's what I call a parade.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Beatles for Sale
The Beatles have come to America once again, and this time they arrive courtesy of iTunes. The bickering is over, the lawsuits have been settled, and in the words of Ringo Starr, "I'm glad I no longer have to answer questions about when the Beatles are coming to iTunes."
This isn't the first time the Beatles' music has been released in a different format. Their complete history includes vinyl, 8-track, cassette tape, and CD's. Each new version came with it's own fanfare and with higher sound quality. And for this benefit, no one complained about the gradual increase in price despite the fact that many of us had already owned these songs in other formats.
Now we're at a true purchasing crossroads. Do we digitally download Beatles music on iTunes so we can add the same songs to our collection that we already own in countless other formats? The public spoke quickly on this one. Apple just reported than in the first two weeks, over 2 million Beatles songs were purchased on iTunes. It's truly an amazing feat for a band whose music is over 40 years old.
I'm proud to say that I made a small contribution to the cause by purchasing 4 songs - - two from Revolver and two from Rubber Soul. But when I received my bill, something hit me that I didn't realize before. Each song had a premium price of $1.29, the top of the scale for Apple. On the surface, this price structure is in line with other new releases in ther store. However, there was one major difference.
The song length.
The average length of a new release typically hovers between 3 and 4 minutes for a pop song and slightly longer for Rap, Rock, and Jazz. The Beatles are a completely different animal, er, insect. All of their early works, and a majority of the latter portion spanned no more than two minutes and change. That's extremely short by today's standards and even shorter when compared with contemporary bands of their era. Essentially, the Beatles have the highest cost per minute in the entire iTunes store. Just a small sample shows just how short their songs were:
Please Please Me 2:00
Love Me Do 2:21
Do You Want to Know a Secret 1:57
Hard Day's Night 2:33
Help 2:18
Nowegian Wood 2:04
Eleanor Rigby 2:06
Good Day Sunshine 2:09
Blackbird 2:18
They're all great songs, but are they really worth $1.29? iTunes gives you a :30 preview for each song, so essentially you get 25% of these songs for free anyway. So are they really worth full price? Apple also has an interesting policy for songs on the upper echelon of time. A song can run just under 10 minutes and the price would still be $1.29. That's a lot more music for your money. If the song runs over double digits, it's available on the album only. It's hard to argue with that policy. Especially when you consider the length of old songs from YES and Genesis which could be as long a full album sides.
But these bands qualified as progressive rock which doesn't compare well with classic rock groups. So when you research alternate bands of high regard, you realize one glaring difference - they are a much better value. It doesn't matter if you choose the Who, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, the Doors, or Lynard Skynard. They all have a better cost per minute. In fact, it's dramatic. Assuming you purchase the highest quality of these songs, the same $1.29 could buy you:
Sympathy for the Devil 6:17
Light my Fire 6:58
Riders of the Storm 7:08
Layla 7:08
Can't Always Get What You Want 7:28
Stairway to Heaven 8:02
Won't Get Fooled Again 8:34
Free Bird 9:09
I'm all for Apple and the Beatles making money. In fact, they do this better than most. But the individual songs are extremely overpriced. Like everything else, you should get what you pay for. In the case of the Beatles, you pay a massive premium for the digital version of the songs you already own.
The Beatles are for sale on iTunes, but the songs aren't.
This isn't the first time the Beatles' music has been released in a different format. Their complete history includes vinyl, 8-track, cassette tape, and CD's. Each new version came with it's own fanfare and with higher sound quality. And for this benefit, no one complained about the gradual increase in price despite the fact that many of us had already owned these songs in other formats.
Now we're at a true purchasing crossroads. Do we digitally download Beatles music on iTunes so we can add the same songs to our collection that we already own in countless other formats? The public spoke quickly on this one. Apple just reported than in the first two weeks, over 2 million Beatles songs were purchased on iTunes. It's truly an amazing feat for a band whose music is over 40 years old.
I'm proud to say that I made a small contribution to the cause by purchasing 4 songs - - two from Revolver and two from Rubber Soul. But when I received my bill, something hit me that I didn't realize before. Each song had a premium price of $1.29, the top of the scale for Apple. On the surface, this price structure is in line with other new releases in ther store. However, there was one major difference.
The song length.
The average length of a new release typically hovers between 3 and 4 minutes for a pop song and slightly longer for Rap, Rock, and Jazz. The Beatles are a completely different animal, er, insect. All of their early works, and a majority of the latter portion spanned no more than two minutes and change. That's extremely short by today's standards and even shorter when compared with contemporary bands of their era. Essentially, the Beatles have the highest cost per minute in the entire iTunes store. Just a small sample shows just how short their songs were:
Please Please Me 2:00
Love Me Do 2:21
Do You Want to Know a Secret 1:57
Hard Day's Night 2:33
Help 2:18
Nowegian Wood 2:04
Eleanor Rigby 2:06
Good Day Sunshine 2:09
Blackbird 2:18
They're all great songs, but are they really worth $1.29? iTunes gives you a :30 preview for each song, so essentially you get 25% of these songs for free anyway. So are they really worth full price? Apple also has an interesting policy for songs on the upper echelon of time. A song can run just under 10 minutes and the price would still be $1.29. That's a lot more music for your money. If the song runs over double digits, it's available on the album only. It's hard to argue with that policy. Especially when you consider the length of old songs from YES and Genesis which could be as long a full album sides.
But these bands qualified as progressive rock which doesn't compare well with classic rock groups. So when you research alternate bands of high regard, you realize one glaring difference - they are a much better value. It doesn't matter if you choose the Who, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, the Doors, or Lynard Skynard. They all have a better cost per minute. In fact, it's dramatic. Assuming you purchase the highest quality of these songs, the same $1.29 could buy you:
Sympathy for the Devil 6:17
Light my Fire 6:58
Riders of the Storm 7:08
Layla 7:08
Can't Always Get What You Want 7:28
Stairway to Heaven 8:02
Won't Get Fooled Again 8:34
Free Bird 9:09
I'm all for Apple and the Beatles making money. In fact, they do this better than most. But the individual songs are extremely overpriced. Like everything else, you should get what you pay for. In the case of the Beatles, you pay a massive premium for the digital version of the songs you already own.
The Beatles are for sale on iTunes, but the songs aren't.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Band Aid
What ever happened to cool sounding rock bands? The 80's were filled with them. Their names were edgy, fierce, and intimidating. And their monikers spanned the gamut from poisonous insects, rodents, and even serious mental conditions. Let's see. There was Megadeath which implied a fate somehow worse than death. There were bleak scenarios like Black Sabbath and Quiet Riot, repulsive creatures like Scorpions and Ratt, and vivid depravity from Twisted Sister.
Those were the days.
Unfortunately, many of these bands have either physically died or publicly died out, and with them their beloved names that made us proud to be fans. Sprint ahead twenty years, and rock band names have gone inexpicably soft. "Fall Out Boy?" That just sends chills down my spine. What about "The Plain White T's"? Is that supposed to impress me? They sound like a Gap ad, or maybe something from a Target circular. "Kings of Leon"? "Muse"? That's about as exciting as The Wiggles. It's almost as if these bands were purposely going for a "G" rating. And even when they make an effort to be cutting edge, they still can't get it right. "My Chemical Romance?" First of all, there is certainly no room for the word, "romance" in a rock band's name. I know what they're trying to say, but wouldn't it have sounded much cooler if they went with "Addiction?"
This trend of soft euphemism needs to end now. It's time for us to take back the naming rights of these musicians, and restore their manhood. So the first order of business is to begin with a theme that universally makes us all stand at attention just at the mere thought -- Medical Illness. Yes, you heard me. Nothing wakes us up faster than a bad diagnosis. These terms have been in our collective vernacular for years, and always associated with dread. Now, using them for rock names will give them all a new, higher purpose.
We don't have to start with the most deplorable. We can pick something mild, then slowly work our way up. Something like, "Influenza." Now that's a cool band! Their first single? "Temperature Rising." Next, we rathcet it up a notch to something like, "Syphillis." Doesn't that just grab you? Their first release? "Scratch Tracks." Rolling Stone would eventually put them on the cover with a feature article called, "Syphillis spreads across America."
Let's also not forget about medical equipment, as the industry is filled with great prospects. And the DJ says...... "that was the latest from "The Catheters" catch them in your town for their "Going Down the Tubes Tour." Then there's my personal favorite, "The Defribillators" who'll be opening up this Summer for "The Stents." And when we run out of equipment, we could move on to the medication.
Just once, I'd like to like to look at Billboard's top 10 list and see hit songs from Prozac, Xanax, Coumadin, Prilosec, Xyrtec, Percocet, Vicadin, Immodium, Viagra, and Celebrex. Every band would sound mean and not weak like what you see on today's charts. I would love to just hear one of my friends say, "I'm looking forward to the next release from Viagra."
All right, now back to the diseases. Something that would cover what rock and roll fans know so much about - - Smoking and Drinking. So I'd start off with something like, "Emphysema." They would feature a memorable remake of "Every Breath You Take." For the alcoholics, we's have "Cirrhosis", also made famous by a cover tune - - "I Drink Alone."
All medical rock bands would have their own satellite radio station. And we'd call it "Blue Cross." Although it would probably be tough on the DJ after awhile, and maybe even a little depressing; especially after a long, commercial free block. So, just to keep him free from any suicidal thoughts, we'd make sure that songs from "The Cure" would always be on hand.
Long live Rock and Roll, even if they're in failing health.
Those were the days.
Unfortunately, many of these bands have either physically died or publicly died out, and with them their beloved names that made us proud to be fans. Sprint ahead twenty years, and rock band names have gone inexpicably soft. "Fall Out Boy?" That just sends chills down my spine. What about "The Plain White T's"? Is that supposed to impress me? They sound like a Gap ad, or maybe something from a Target circular. "Kings of Leon"? "Muse"? That's about as exciting as The Wiggles. It's almost as if these bands were purposely going for a "G" rating. And even when they make an effort to be cutting edge, they still can't get it right. "My Chemical Romance?" First of all, there is certainly no room for the word, "romance" in a rock band's name. I know what they're trying to say, but wouldn't it have sounded much cooler if they went with "Addiction?"
This trend of soft euphemism needs to end now. It's time for us to take back the naming rights of these musicians, and restore their manhood. So the first order of business is to begin with a theme that universally makes us all stand at attention just at the mere thought -- Medical Illness. Yes, you heard me. Nothing wakes us up faster than a bad diagnosis. These terms have been in our collective vernacular for years, and always associated with dread. Now, using them for rock names will give them all a new, higher purpose.
We don't have to start with the most deplorable. We can pick something mild, then slowly work our way up. Something like, "Influenza." Now that's a cool band! Their first single? "Temperature Rising." Next, we rathcet it up a notch to something like, "Syphillis." Doesn't that just grab you? Their first release? "Scratch Tracks." Rolling Stone would eventually put them on the cover with a feature article called, "Syphillis spreads across America."
Let's also not forget about medical equipment, as the industry is filled with great prospects. And the DJ says...... "that was the latest from "The Catheters" catch them in your town for their "Going Down the Tubes Tour." Then there's my personal favorite, "The Defribillators" who'll be opening up this Summer for "The Stents." And when we run out of equipment, we could move on to the medication.
Just once, I'd like to like to look at Billboard's top 10 list and see hit songs from Prozac, Xanax, Coumadin, Prilosec, Xyrtec, Percocet, Vicadin, Immodium, Viagra, and Celebrex. Every band would sound mean and not weak like what you see on today's charts. I would love to just hear one of my friends say, "I'm looking forward to the next release from Viagra."
All right, now back to the diseases. Something that would cover what rock and roll fans know so much about - - Smoking and Drinking. So I'd start off with something like, "Emphysema." They would feature a memorable remake of "Every Breath You Take." For the alcoholics, we's have "Cirrhosis", also made famous by a cover tune - - "I Drink Alone."
All medical rock bands would have their own satellite radio station. And we'd call it "Blue Cross." Although it would probably be tough on the DJ after awhile, and maybe even a little depressing; especially after a long, commercial free block. So, just to keep him free from any suicidal thoughts, we'd make sure that songs from "The Cure" would always be on hand.
Long live Rock and Roll, even if they're in failing health.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The Salesman Dies Again
It's not every day that a YouTube video becomes universally viral across a specific profession, but the creators of "Joy of a Salesman" have managed to capture the attention of salespeople everywhere.
If you haven't been fortunate enough to see this six minute masterpiece, the premise is simple. An older sales manager is reviewing the performance of his top salesperson in a 1-on-1 meeting. As the manager slowly picks him apart, the salesperson defends himself as if on truth serum; attacking his adversary with accusations of highway robbery in relation to his commission plan. I'm clearly not doing the piece justice, but every commissioned salesperson in the country will relate to some portion of this.
And that's exactly what makes this so interesting. Sales can cross over into many different business sectors, and with the rapid addition of new technologies, these jobs are growing by leaps and bounds each day. The goal of salespeople is universal. Make money. Make money for the company and make money for themselves. It sounds simple on the surface, but to truly be successful, many need to fight, scrape, and claw for every available dollar. If you happen to lose a fight (and there will be many), the expectation is to quickly dust yourself off, stitch up your chin, and move on to the next battle.
If their mission is successful, and a majority of them are, the expectation is to be rewarded accordingly. If they exceed quotas, most feel that their compensation should rise in lock step. But it rarely does. Companies like cost certainty and a few things always seem to get in the way. When they inevitably do, the salespeople are left in the courtroom alone, and defending themselves without counsel.
So, the obvious thought is that "Joy of a Salesman" was created by a disgruntled employee in a specific industry who has clearly voiced chagrin through comedic animation. However, a quick check of the user comments from this video reveals something dramatic. This compensation issue exists across all of corporate America, and in fields as similar as day and night.
An assorted list of names cited include the following:
AT&T
Blue Cross
Carmax
Clear Channel
Comcast
Cumulus Broadcasting
Enterprise Rent-a-Car
Geico
Prudential Securities
Verizon
It's truly stunning. Just glance at the list for a moment. It covers telecommunications, transportation, finance, cable, radio, car insurance and health insurance. Quite a list. Many have no clear relationship with the other, yet employees in these respective fields felt an equal sting from the same parody. Patterns like these speak volumes.
Perhaps we really do need a different compensation system for our country's salespeople. Daniel Pink, author of a new book called, "Drive", suggests that employees are inherently motivated by 3 intrinsic factors unrelated to money - - Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose. He may be onto something.
Maybe one day some consulting firm will figure this all out and make videos like "Joy of a Salesman" a thing of the past. But until then, let's have a little compassion for these salesmen.
They don't always have to die. Sometimes they could just be wounded.
If you haven't been fortunate enough to see this six minute masterpiece, the premise is simple. An older sales manager is reviewing the performance of his top salesperson in a 1-on-1 meeting. As the manager slowly picks him apart, the salesperson defends himself as if on truth serum; attacking his adversary with accusations of highway robbery in relation to his commission plan. I'm clearly not doing the piece justice, but every commissioned salesperson in the country will relate to some portion of this.
And that's exactly what makes this so interesting. Sales can cross over into many different business sectors, and with the rapid addition of new technologies, these jobs are growing by leaps and bounds each day. The goal of salespeople is universal. Make money. Make money for the company and make money for themselves. It sounds simple on the surface, but to truly be successful, many need to fight, scrape, and claw for every available dollar. If you happen to lose a fight (and there will be many), the expectation is to quickly dust yourself off, stitch up your chin, and move on to the next battle.
If their mission is successful, and a majority of them are, the expectation is to be rewarded accordingly. If they exceed quotas, most feel that their compensation should rise in lock step. But it rarely does. Companies like cost certainty and a few things always seem to get in the way. When they inevitably do, the salespeople are left in the courtroom alone, and defending themselves without counsel.
So, the obvious thought is that "Joy of a Salesman" was created by a disgruntled employee in a specific industry who has clearly voiced chagrin through comedic animation. However, a quick check of the user comments from this video reveals something dramatic. This compensation issue exists across all of corporate America, and in fields as similar as day and night.
An assorted list of names cited include the following:
AT&T
Blue Cross
Carmax
Clear Channel
Comcast
Cumulus Broadcasting
Enterprise Rent-a-Car
Geico
Prudential Securities
Verizon
It's truly stunning. Just glance at the list for a moment. It covers telecommunications, transportation, finance, cable, radio, car insurance and health insurance. Quite a list. Many have no clear relationship with the other, yet employees in these respective fields felt an equal sting from the same parody. Patterns like these speak volumes.
Perhaps we really do need a different compensation system for our country's salespeople. Daniel Pink, author of a new book called, "Drive", suggests that employees are inherently motivated by 3 intrinsic factors unrelated to money - - Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose. He may be onto something.
Maybe one day some consulting firm will figure this all out and make videos like "Joy of a Salesman" a thing of the past. But until then, let's have a little compassion for these salesmen.
They don't always have to die. Sometimes they could just be wounded.
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