Cheaters

I read some very disturbing news today. A book I had just finished called, "Imagine" had suddenly found its way back in the news, and for all the wrong reasons. The book dealt with how the human mind thinks creatively, and it's author, Jonah Lehrer, admitted to some pretty egregious improprieties.

He lied. In one chapter he wrote about the craft of how Bob Dylan wrote music and lyrics. In it, he supplied several insightful Dylan quotes. The only problem was, Dylan never said any of them. The author fabricated them to make a few salient points. In essence, he cheated.

Of course, this is far from the first time we've heard about a writer trumping the system. We all remember Jason Blair of the NY Times. In 2003, it was discovered that he ripped off several other writers in his many accounts of the War in Iraq. Once again, he cheated.

This made me think of so many others in unrelated fields who have gone down the same path.

Wall Street immediately comes to mind. Bernie Madoff was just the beginning of the Ponzi scheme era. He was quickly followed by Galleon Group's Roger Rajaratman who was made famous my making billions on inside trading tips. That's right. He couldn't rely on his own ability as a prognosticator, so he stole the news. The current flavor of the day is the head of Peregrine Financial Group who admitted that his client's profits were falsified and was actually quoted as saying:

"I was forced with a difficult decision. Should I go out of business or cheat? So I cheated."

We're all aware that sports isn't immune to cheating. Just ask Barry Bonds and the countless number of baseball players that have been in Jose Canseco's book or those found on an underground watch list for using anabolic steroids or human growth hormones. They couldn't stay young forever, so they needed an edge. And they cheated.

When I was a kid, there was an old adage that I had originally heard from either a teacher or my father that stuck with me throughout my life:

"Winners never cheat, and cheaters never win."

I took that one seriously. Although, its truth and relevance can certainly be called into question. Perhaps it needs a slight edit. "Sometimes winners cheat and don't get caught, and cheaters actually win for a little while." I still remember being in a grade school classroom during tests and watching kids looking over each other's shoulders, or passing their completed exams around. This wasn't for me.

Cheating can even occur in areas thought to police the existence of cheating itself. Like the police. It was only last year that an enormous ticket fixing scandal was broken in NYC where a large number of tickets suddenly disappeared off people's records in exchange for who knows what.

So, what's going on here? Have economic times and fierce competition gotten so intense that people are cheating more than ever. Probably not. It's just that our surveillance systems have gotten much better. The internet has certainly helped in that regard, as nothing posted is ever sacred. So remember that Twitterheads.

The real question to ask is why do people cheat in the first place? Is it greed? The pressure to succeed? I'm not buying it. It's trite to just attribute these actions to simple human nature. So I'm going to throw out my own theory.

Cheating has been around with us for so long, its become part of our fabric. We may not always see it, taste it, or touch it, but we know its there. It's in the air. We don't need maps.

So here's what happens. The cheating actually feeds upon itself.

No matter which industry you're in, there will always be someone cheating. It doesn't make it right for us to do the same. However, it does change our thinking from common decency to having an insatiable need to even the playing field. That's what it's all about.

Some Wall Street firms believe that they can't compete with outsize returns from their competition, so they need to narrow the advantage. Aging athletes need to stay viable. But once a large selection gravitates to steroids, others don't take them to make them superior. They take them to stay even. And if writers know that someone else continues to get those superior writing assignments or book deals because they cut a proverbial corner, well, they must be afforded the same opportunity.

So, the common notion that cheating occurs to get ahead is and has probably been a misnomer for decades. If everyone cheats, everyone stays even.

And sometimes the goal is just survival. It's just a shame what people will resort to just to keep up with the Jonses. What really makes it disturbing is that there's almost no fear of getting caught. But some of them do. They just don' t care. It's almost as if they expect you to understand their modus operandi; their terrible plight.

But the truth is.....we almost never do.

Going for The Gold.....Remote

The Summer Olympics are here, and I have to admit that I've never been a huge fan.

I guess I'm more attracted to the Winter and not just because I have hockey in my veins. There's just something exhilarating about the risk of skiing and bobsledding that's always managed to grab my attention. And I'm still entertained with curling because one - I don't get it - and two -that one guy looks like a very quick handed version of a janitor every time.

Nonetheless, I didn't want to let my seasonal Olympic bias to affect my kids. If they want to watch people twirl on the parallel bars, or swim like dolphins in a swimming pool, well, who am I to interfere?

This past weekend had its share of competition, but not just in London. A fierce battle of wills took place in my living room. For the remote. In fact, it was so good, I started thinking about petitioning for Remote Control jousting as a new Olympic sport.

This particular disagreement had to do with the battle between a previously recorded Olympic event or the unmistakably live Yankees/Red Sox game on Saturday night. In my house, the greatest rivalry in sports usually wins. But on this night, an unexpected battle ensued.

You see, this was the day that my kids discovered something so earth shattering, so inspiring and athletically enthralling, that they wouldn't be denied. You guessed it.

Beach Volleyball.

Was this for real? Turn back to the Yankee game!

"No, Dad. I want to watch this one match."

Were they kidding? Recorded, tape delayed, beach volleyball? First of all, it's 2 on 2. So we're not talking about the ball hitting a series of hands here. It's only 4 people on the court. On the beach. This was an Olympic sport?

My kids couldn't turn away. But I wanted to. The Yankees had just tied the game on a Marc Texiera 2-run blast over the right field wall. This was Yankees-Red Sox. A game with 9 players....on the grass. We watched for a few minutes. And just as the game hit its crescendo......back to beach volleyball.

NBC raised the stakes by mentioning that the American tandem had never lost a match in almost 3 consecutive Olympic appearances. Very impressive. But again, this was 4 people playing on the beach. From my view, it could have been a pick-up game.

I lunged for the remote, but my daughter has become very adept at concealing it by using her body to shield off my approach. Sometimes her sister even sets a pick. Realizing that this was no use, I tried to use logic. I explained the history of the baseball rivalry, but that meant nothing to them. Then I took the live vs recorded earlier route and encouraged them to head to the computer to see who won. Who was I kidding? To them, this DVR, and tape delayed program was just as good as live. And besides, who do you think they wanted to emulate more? A bunch of ballplayers spitting between strikes or women on the beach wearing bathing suits and really funky protective goggles?

In the end, the Americans won. And so did the kids.

A Cure for Baby Names

One of the most complex decisions we've ever had to make was what to name our kids. Let's face it. This is the true definition of pressure. They have to live with it....forever. And if you're born into a last name like Lipshitz, you're already behind the eight ball.

Depending on who you are, a different set of priorities is established. Once you've gotten beyond the idea that you're not simply going to place the word "Jr.' behind your own name, well, the fun really starts.

In the Jewish religion, there's a very uplifting tradition where the child's first initial or perhaps their middle name, mirrors a deceased member of the family. I've always respected the intent of keeping a grandmother's name alive, but this approach will somehow always be associated with some classic horror movie concepts that were probably born out of Linda Blair.

The next hurdle is avoiding any name that already exists in your life whose owner is someone you simply detest. No matter how hard you try, a lifelong imprinted name will always remind you of that kid in 8th grade who gave you a wedgie in the bathroom. With that said, I must also state the painfully obvious. If a name suddenly springs into the vernacular and then becomes possessed by a litany of new offspring, we tend to shy away because it kills our originality.

I remember when my second child was born. I was tired of falling back to the baby naming websites and books that I had become accustomed. So, I suggested looking into a different resource.

Zagat

After all, many restauranteurs named their establishments after women they've loved; girlfriends, wives, mothers. So either way, there was bound to be a few winners in there. Now, I'm not suggesting that I was considering 'Gotham Bar and Grill" or 'Nobu." However, "Oceana" and "Serafina" almost made the cut. Much to the pleasure of my daughter, we didn't go with those options.

Names are important. Many people have suggested that "your name is your destiny." Great, more pressure. But if we humored society for a moment and went with that premise, you could make the argument that your name should come from an established grouping that is clearly defined to be and do only one thing.

Like the pharmaceuticals.

Why not name our children after some of the medication we've been taking throughout our lives?The same medication that our kids will probably be taking throughout their own. I know, a silly idea, but maybe not.

You want to have a kid that will lead a peaceful life? Call him Xanax. If you even manage to get into a heated debate with him, you just say, "calm down, Xanax." If that isn't your cup of tea, you'll still be left with a dearth of other choices.

Want a really strong, manly name? Go with Cialis. Women will just have to hear that name once, and they'll flock. Or how about a really laid back girl? Lunesta. How about a kid that never complains when potty-training? Flomax. It even has the name "max" in there. For those who want kids who are immune to infections? Go with another "max". Zithromax.

But why let the prescription meds have all the fun. The OTC drugs have a place in the child naming process as well. For the girl you never want to find smoking with her friends? Call her Nicorette. They'll eventually shorten it to Nicky. If you call your kid Benadryl, his friends will probably gravitate towards Beny. And on the female side, Claritin will most certainly be adopted into Clare.

And as we've all encountered people that make us sick to our stomachs, wouldn't they be just a bit more palatable if their names relieved the way we react to them. For instance. I would feel so much better if I encountered an a-hole named Prevacid. Maybe I would have gotten along with old co-workers better if they were named Nexium.

These names are unmistakable. We know what they represent and in turn, our expectations are met. So the next time you or someone you know is struggling between 6 overplayed names (3 if it's a girl, and 3 if it's boy), tell them to put the books down and go to CVS.

Then, they can really make some progress.

Bang on the Drum All Day

As a follow up to the my wildly successful posting on the "Greatest Voices in Rock and Roll" (I think 12 people read it), the sequel will cover one of my favorite instruments - the drums. After all, who doesn't love the drummer in a rock and roll band?

There are literally hundreds to choose from, and similar to the previous list, they can be vehemently debated. I'm OK with good old fashioned sparring as long as no one gets hurt.

So, once again, in no particular order.......

CARL PALMER - For some reason, this guy gets overlooked on most lists. Quick hands and impeccable timing, he pounded the snare for both Emerson, Lake and Palmer and Asia. In both occasions, he brought many of the songs to another level. Just listen to Karn Evil 9 or Soul Survivor and you'll see what I mean.

JOHN BONHAM - It's hard to be in Led Zeppelin and not be an expert in your field. Bonham had a lot of great, original Jimmy Page riffs to work with, but no one has ever hit the drums harder. When pundits said that LZ's music came from the gods, it was Bonham that evoked them.

ALAN WHITE - Probably one of the most underrated percussionists of his generation, but his 2 tours of duty with YES showcased his talents in both progressive rock, traditional, and pop rock. The early years in YES called for complex rhythms and he was up to the task.

PHIL COLLINS - Long before he grabbed a microphone, Phil seemed to have 4 sticks in his hand when he played never ending songs in Genesis. His signature style continued throughout his solo work and his distinct sound was simulated, but never duplicated.

NEAL PEART - It's hard to believe Rush is still around, but Neal is a central part of the reason. Some would argue that his arrangements were the most complex in the history of rock, and I tend to agree. He hit on beats that typically remained silent and drove Rush's arena classics into new territory Probably the greatest ever.

ALEX VAN HALEN - He had some pretty cool songs to work with as they were a mix of hard rock and fun rock (is that even a label?). What he was most famous for was hitting the epicenter of the ride cymbal. That distinct sound set him apart from the rest. His best work was done well before Jump.

STEWART COPELAND - The Police didn't play as hard as some of their rock contemporaries. However, like most of Sting's lyrics, the music was very technical. Their reggae rock often kept him between genres, but he was able to master both. His work on the Synchronicity album really showcased his versatility.

ROGER TAYLOR - In Queen, Freddie Mercury received all the attention. But Taylor deserves a fair shake. He had a lead singer with a driving voice and a lead guitarist that practically created a rock opera each night. He sat in the back seat on many occasions, but his skill is second to only a small few, and his beat on "We Will Rock You" will be played in stadiums forever.

TAYLOR HAWKINS - When your lead singer played the drums in an iconic rock band, that's a lot of pressure. No matter. Dave Grohl's writing in the Foo Fighters usually has the drums in mind, so Hawkins needs to be on top of his game. He probably hits the drums more often than anyone in history. Great hand speed.

KEITH MOON - The Who may be the original arena/stadium anthem band. The songs had power and energy, driven by powerful vocals and guitar windmills. Moon kept pace, and rose above many other British Invasion bands of his generation. He's regarded as a major influence on many other members of this list.

GINGER BAKER - He didn't have as long a shelf life with Cream as did other drummers with their bands during his time, but Eric Clapton gave him some classics to work with. And he made them his own. You could make the argument that his style and influence helped shape the eventual sound of the classic rock drummer.

CARTER BEAUFORD - Carter who? Fans know he's in the Dave Matthews Band. And experts know that he's forced to play many different styles, as DMB can do rock, jazz, punk, and more. A very versatile drummer over a long period of time.

Alright, that's it. Hopefully, more than 12 people read this. With a little luck, more than 50% will even care. Gentleman, start your engines and let the debate begin.

A Dark Night at the Dark Knight

I don't know about you, but I've been shaken by the horrific events that took place in Colorado this weekend. To the detriment of us as a society, the "lone gunman" story has become increasingly more commonplace, and now it has incredulously spread to the one true sanctuary of genuine escape in our daily lives. No, not the toilet. The movies.

The irony of the execution is staggering. The crazed shooter opened fire just at the moment that the film showed a blazingly violent gun fight on an airplane. As audiences are now accustomed to 3-D and crystal clear digital Dolby sound, you can only imagine how long it must have taken for the viewers to distinguish between fantasy and reality.

When any terrifying event of this nature occurs, several groups rear their heads in an attempt to restore order.

The media will play their usual game called "Let's find a Motive." But we can all cut to the chase on this. There isn't any. In this world, insanity is a courtroom defense, but not a motive. So the exhaustive search to find some semblance of logic will keep us all inside the mouse trap.

Next, the 2nd amendment pundits will come out of the woodwork, and begin their call for new gun laws. Although a very respectable sentiment, we already know that the NRA has been holding a gun to politicians' heads for decades, so don't expect everyone to switch to BB guns any time soon.

After this, the psychiatrists will emerge, all espousing the fact that if the shooter was their patient, they would have probably seen the signs long before the ammunition was even purchased. It's apparent that a grand total of none of them could have prevented this, but it does make you wonder if they just wait for these assassinations to begin their recruitment campaigns for new clients.

The final group to weigh in, will be law enforcement. I only have the utmost respect for the men and women who choose this line of work to protect us against the harm that lurks in the shadows in every town in the country. But their first chess move is typically misdirected. A perfect example was NYPD Police Commissioner Ray Kelly's decision to place cops at every Batman theater in NYC. It's a great sentiment, I know, but do we really think anyone would try this in Manhattan? The NYPD has built a reputation that most people really don,t want to roll the dice with.

Which brings up another critical point. Over the last decade, these shootings continue to propagate outside the major cities. Just look at most of them post-Columbine. We had a colossal disaster at Virginia Tech. Then there was the military shooter in Fort Hood Texas. Now someone has put Aurora, Co. on the map. Is there a certain sophistication in the major cities in this country where individuals understand that violent movies and video games are mere entertainment and not a How-To guide on how to reek havoc on society? I don't think we'll ever know, but something wicked this way comes in Small Town USA.

So where do we go from here? When this story's flame is extinguished, we'll go back to our lives where business will most likely be as usual. And, we'll allow our experts to do their jobs. The media will continue to debate and inform. Politicians will engage and then deflect any changes to the gun laws. Psychiatrists will try to keep the crazies off the streets through talk therapy, and the cops will do everything short of encroaching on your civil liberties to make sure the public remains as safe as possible.

And despite this bastion created by several key members of our community, in the end, there's only one truth we all know too well.

Sometimes, we're just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Photography Camp

For the first time, both my kids and I are experiencing sleep away camp this summer. My kids because they're actually there, and me because I'm realizing that they're no longer here.

But as many of the more seasoned sleep away parents have informed me, I don't have to miss them at all. This is due to the camps' highly extensive websites. Many, if not all of them, post hundreds of photos several times per day, and some even follow up with at least 2 daily videos.

So, I thought I would give it a try. With a simple password, I was granted access to five full days of over 1000 pictures. Pictures of girls playing volleyball and tennis; boys playing soccer and street hockey. Photos of girls cooking, swimming, and dancing. Snapshots of boys hitting baseballs, smacking a gaga ball, and sitting at campfires.

As I looked through several of these albums in search of my own children, I couldn't help but notice a common theme.

All these kids were posing.

They were posing at the pool, on the tennis courts, in the kitchen, at the computer station, while they were eating, and just about in any other area outside of their bunks.

I just can't imagine going to camp, getting involved in an activity and then being told, "wait...stop right there....and smile." "Could you three move closer together?" "Alright..you the tall one, you get in the middle, and you the little one...come down front."

The last time most of us were actively involved in a really good time, and then suddenly told to stop and pose was probably at our weddings. And if most of you can remember, you didn't like it very much. First it was those pre-game family shots, then the horrific table photos, and in total, hours of what Larry David would probably call, "the Stop and Pose." Thinking back to how annoying that was, I can only imagine what it's like in sleep away camp.

I took a closer look at the sea of digital photography. Wait a minute. I barely see my own kids. What are they not cute enough? Maybe that's one of them in the background on this one....Nope. Are they even at this camp? Did they pull a "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah?" Do they already have an aversion to the Camp paparazzi? My attention was diverted when I looked at the top of the page and saw with just a click of the mouse, you can buy these pictures. Wow. I guess the camp dues just aren't enough to cover expenses.

But more importantly, where are my kids? Then it hit me. Maybe they feel like I do about all these pictures. Perhaps, just the thought of interrupting their cheeseburger with saying "cheese" just isn't their idea of a good time. After all, school is just around the corner. So who wouldn't want to savor every minute of this slice of heaven called "getting away from your parents."

All at once, I was proud of my two non-conformers. But every now and then, it would be nice to see them doing something at his camp other than ducking the cameras.

Maybe they'll show up tomorrow.

Madoff Math

Bernie Madoff has always been good at math. Especially when there was only one number to focus on.

For many years, that number was 10. Ten represented the percent return investors received every 12 months despite the natural vagaries of the stock market. So it didn't matter if the Dow crashed, if the Nasdaq sold off, the bond market plummeted, oil prices skyrocketed, or there were wild swings in international markets.

Investors still made 10%. Simple math.

Bernie Madoff 's number changed dramatically when he finally admitted that it was impossible to achieve the same return to investors every year, and that his Jewish roots were actually part Italian dating back to the Ponzi family.

The courts decided that when it came to sentencing f0r his sociopathic-like crimes, the number 10 was far too small, and something more like 150 made more sense. And with that edict, Bernie Madoff will now live and more likely die with the number 150 stuck in his head, as he's been told that he can leave prison when he's around 220 years old. This, of course, being a number that he's not very likely to see unless he becomes bunk mates with Walt Disney. (that was for you cryogenics fans out there).

And with this final sentencing, it appeared that the legal work related to the Madoff family was primarily done. His sons pretended that they had amnesia and got off with a slap on the wrist. Although, one of them felt that was far too lenient, and decided to kill himself instead. Bernie's wife isn't serving any time either. She simply had to return cars, homes, boats, jewelry, televisions, iPods iPads, and anything else she didn't buy at a flea market.

But the whole time, I was wondering when the government was going to get to perhaps the most pivotal family member of the entire diabolical scheme.

Bernie's brother, Peter.

Peter Madoff had a critical role inside the organization. He was the compliance officer. Simply put, and this is really the comical part, he was responsible for making sure that all of the trades made by his brother were legal.

So, let me emphasize this again. Peter's main role with the company was to guarantee that his brother stayed within the legal guidelines of the SEC before making any investments. And here's the twist. Bernie didn't make any. Essentially, Peter falsified trades that were never made.

And this where the math gets crazy.

Next to Bernie, Peter was the next most pivotal player. He had to make it look like something was happening that really wasn't. The legal definition of this is "magician", but this was the illegal kind. We'll never know if the mastermind behind the business model was Peter himself, but I think it's safe to say that at the very least, he drove the getaway car.

For all crimes related to this scam, it was just announced that Peter will also be going to jail. But his sentence is only for 10 years.

What?!!!

Let me get these numbers straight. The face of the company and probable mastermind of the impropriety gets 150 years in prison. The guy who made sure it was all possible.....10.

150 vs. 10

Does something seem off here? Of course, there is some irony in the fact that Peter receives a number wholly identical to the investor returns he helped falsify for his entire career. Still, this is just plain inexcusable.

In a way, it feels like the Madoffs have scammed us again. I guess if you pay the lawyers enough money, you can make almost anything happen.

There's just such strength in numbers.