Is your name your destiny? Not for all of us. I've been through many serenades of "Rowe, Rowe, Rowe, your boat," but not once did I feel the desire to join the Navy, go out for crew, or train to become a Pirate.
However, there are several notables whose careers and actions have literally been shaped by inheriting their parents' last names. The most recent phenomenon is Amy Winehouse.
I've never found humor in the demise of an addict, but this one defies gravity. Amy "Winehouse" had an alcohol problem. Let's call it a big problem. To add salt to the wound or to the margarita, her first hit single was entitled, "Rehab." The lyrics even said:
"They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, no, no no."
I wish she would have gone. But seemingly, she was doomed from the start. She was a Winehouse.
Politicians are just as prone to the curse of the surname. Next up is a guy who takes lewd pictures of himself in his boxer shorts, and not much else. Then, he posts them on the internet specifically for young girls to see. Is it possible for a guy like this to be named anything else other than "Weiner?" If he thought ahead, he would have removed himself from the ballot earlier in his career and refocused his energies on getting a job at Nathan's or Hebrew National.
Wall Street is not immune either. Let's face it. How could a money manager take your funds and purport to return exactly 10% for over twenty consecutive years? Recessions, inflation, 9/11, oil crisis....it doesn't matter. You get 10%. Nobody asked any questions. At least not until the emergence of a virtual unknown named Madoff who admitted that he built his grandiose lifestyle by illegally "making off" with his clients' money.
Overweight comedic actors have last names like "Candy." (John) Baseball players have first names like "Homer" (Bush) and powerful members of Congress have last names like "Armey". (Dick) Hockey players have actually been named, "Playfair" (Larry)
Think about your own last names and see if you've missed your calling. Based on a just a small sample of my own Facebook contacts which include a "Schaefer", a "Mehr", and a "Berger", there should be a brewer, a politician, and a fast food franchise owner just ready to rear their heads.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Game Off
Tomorrow will mark one of the strangest days of the year. All (4) major professional sports will go completely dark. Flip on the tube at just about any other time and you're bound to see someone throwing a ball either to or at someone else. There's football on Thanksgiving, basketball on Christmas, baseball on Easter, and an outdoor hockey game on New Year's Day.
But on July 13th, ESPN may as well be broadcasting the yule log.
So now that the rest of us will have some extra time on our hands, let me suggest a few novel ideas to pass the time.
MEET SOMEONE FACE TO FACE
I know this is a foreign concept for most, but it may be refreshing to actually speak to someone in person. This will require that you put away your LOLs so you can spend some quality time with your BFFs. You'll have to unplug Skype and disconnect from Facetime. Close Facebook and Link yourself out. Disconnect the Twitter feed, and feed your face in the presence of someone else.
WATCH A SHOW ABOUT VAMPIRES
This shouldn't be very hard to find. Between "True Blood", an airing of any of the Twilight films, a copycat rip-off of either of these on the WB, or perhaps a documentary on Bela Lugosi, you're bound to find a pair of fangs somewhere. I'm not sure when vampires became sexy, but someone has clearly decided that going on a date with someone that could puncture your neck with their teeth makes for very good television.
READ A BOOK
I'm not suggesting that you don't currently read. Due to electronic readers, we're probably getting through more books than ever. I just think it would be nice to actually bust out an old hardcover the size of an SUV and get through a few chapters in bed with dim light. For some real fun, shut off the lights completely, and use candles. Your kids will probably ask that you call the power company, but you'll explain that "you're going old school, because that's how you roll."
WORK ON A JIGSAW PUZZLE
Most of us haven't touched one of these babys for years. But do you remember how much fun and relaxing they were? Somewhere along the way, we buried these with our baseball cards and our dolls. Others may have tried to resurrect an interest with our kids' oversized Sponge Bob puzzle, but it ended quickly when you reconfigured all (6) pieces in :30 seconds. Buy a puzzle of the map of the United States, and see how many states you get wrong.
TALK TO YOUR FAMILY
The "how was your day?" perfunctory question does not qualify. Initiate some meaningful dialogue. Ask your husband how much money he lost last week on gambling. Question the kids on what they did at camp today, and when they reply, "nothing," ask to be reimbursed. Finally, ask your wife about why she's sending status updates to her old boyfriend on Facebook.
TAKE A DRIVE
Do you remember when your parents used to do this? They'd say, "let's go for a drive." You didn't know where you were going, but it got you out of the house and probably created some good memories along the way. Your best chance of convincing anyone to do this again is targeting your spouse who can actually draw on past experience. Because if you take the kids for a drive, it will be to drop them off for a playdate, the mall, or anywhere you aren't.
All these are good options. Of course, you could always copy what I do.
Watch classic sports on TV.
But on July 13th, ESPN may as well be broadcasting the yule log.
So now that the rest of us will have some extra time on our hands, let me suggest a few novel ideas to pass the time.
MEET SOMEONE FACE TO FACE
I know this is a foreign concept for most, but it may be refreshing to actually speak to someone in person. This will require that you put away your LOLs so you can spend some quality time with your BFFs. You'll have to unplug Skype and disconnect from Facetime. Close Facebook and Link yourself out. Disconnect the Twitter feed, and feed your face in the presence of someone else.
WATCH A SHOW ABOUT VAMPIRES
This shouldn't be very hard to find. Between "True Blood", an airing of any of the Twilight films, a copycat rip-off of either of these on the WB, or perhaps a documentary on Bela Lugosi, you're bound to find a pair of fangs somewhere. I'm not sure when vampires became sexy, but someone has clearly decided that going on a date with someone that could puncture your neck with their teeth makes for very good television.
READ A BOOK
I'm not suggesting that you don't currently read. Due to electronic readers, we're probably getting through more books than ever. I just think it would be nice to actually bust out an old hardcover the size of an SUV and get through a few chapters in bed with dim light. For some real fun, shut off the lights completely, and use candles. Your kids will probably ask that you call the power company, but you'll explain that "you're going old school, because that's how you roll."
WORK ON A JIGSAW PUZZLE
Most of us haven't touched one of these babys for years. But do you remember how much fun and relaxing they were? Somewhere along the way, we buried these with our baseball cards and our dolls. Others may have tried to resurrect an interest with our kids' oversized Sponge Bob puzzle, but it ended quickly when you reconfigured all (6) pieces in :30 seconds. Buy a puzzle of the map of the United States, and see how many states you get wrong.
TALK TO YOUR FAMILY
The "how was your day?" perfunctory question does not qualify. Initiate some meaningful dialogue. Ask your husband how much money he lost last week on gambling. Question the kids on what they did at camp today, and when they reply, "nothing," ask to be reimbursed. Finally, ask your wife about why she's sending status updates to her old boyfriend on Facebook.
TAKE A DRIVE
Do you remember when your parents used to do this? They'd say, "let's go for a drive." You didn't know where you were going, but it got you out of the house and probably created some good memories along the way. Your best chance of convincing anyone to do this again is targeting your spouse who can actually draw on past experience. Because if you take the kids for a drive, it will be to drop them off for a playdate, the mall, or anywhere you aren't.
All these are good options. Of course, you could always copy what I do.
Watch classic sports on TV.
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