If you're in the mood to lose a quick $100, look no further than your nearest pharmacy. Duane Reade, CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid.....it's all the same. It's not that we buy more than we used to. It's that many of the products we buy are no longer one trick ponies. They're now almost all hybrids because the industry has been masterful at reinventing themselves for decades in pursuit of profits.
Moving to Aisle 1, we find ourselves immersed with different kinds of toothpaste. At it's core, the product has been designed to clean teeth and gums with fluoride. As I kid, I had a few choices. Crest, Colgate, AIM, and Sensodyne for those sensitive types. Today, according to the box, our toothpaste could fend off everything including the Tooth Fairy. Toothpaste has breath strips, whitening power, enamel protection, lethal peroxide,and Listerine. Some will even give you a root canal. The real question is, did we really need this? Were mouths everywhere craving for more from their tootpaste? Of course not. But Proctor and Gamble, and Johnson and Johnson have caused us to live in fear. Fear that by not giving your bicuspids the very best, it could one day cause your teeth to fall out.
A stroll into Aisle 2 carries products for all your shaving needs. When I first started shaving, I used a standard razor that basically did its job, but occasionally made me look like I was attacked by Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street. A few years later, one blade became two, then three, and soon there will be five. This isn't a razor, it's a weapon. It should require a license. And when you're done, you can't trust soap to clean your face, so the invention of face wash was born. It's not soap, or after shave, it's a gel that costs a nifty $6 per bottle.
Aisle 3 gets even more challenging. This is where we find shampoo, which may as well have it's own store dedicated to it. Growing up, Head and Shoulders was the shampoo of choice because the packaged goods companies forced us to view dandruff as the equivalent to the plague. But that's not enough any more. Modern shampoo can shine, create fullness, preserve color, moisturize, strengthen roots, and do everything but trim your bangs. Did someone ask for this when I wasn't looking? When it comes to shampoo, all I really want is something that makes me look like a took a shower.
It's the same in every other aisle. Garbage bags have odor guard which seems counterintuitive to garbage itself. Pens no longer have ink, they use gel and have check fraud protection. Mouthwash kills germs, bacteria, braces, halitosis, stuck dental floss, your tongue, or anything else that's in your mouth. Condoms practically have sex for you. All this leads us to one place.
Dropping at least $100 into the hand of the cashier.
The consumer product manufacturers need to constantly evolve, or their profit margins will be compromised. So they position us as inadequate unless we use products which keep us at the peak of possible hygiene. And just in case, you've managed to resist many of these overpriced, hybrid products, they give it one more shot by teasing you with gum on the way out. But this isn't your father's gum. This pack whitens, brightens, refreshes, and squirts. It can all be yours for a mere $2 per pack. For gum?
At the pharmacy, the house always wins.
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