Groupon Shmoupon

Some people are professionals when it comes to saving money. My Mother is one of the best, and a bit of a traditionalist in this area. She has a scissor with her at all times, and typically goes through the Sunday paper and all its circulars like a farmer cutting her way through overgrown corn stalks with a machete.

Yesterday, she told me about one of her greatest all time triumphs. This win came at the expense of Minute Maid Orange Juice. I came over for a visit on Saturday and craved a little OJ. She asked me to guess how much she paid. I saw that she had 4 cartons in the refrigerator, so it must have been pretty impressive. Before I could even take a stab at it, she offered the answer.

"First, it was on sale at 50% off, then I had a coupon, and Shop Rite was offering triple coupons, so in the end, it cost me 19 cents."

Holy crap. 19 cents?!! Did that include tax? Did she also get an employee discount? Is she a closet shoplifter?

I looked around the room to see if anything had changed. After all, at that price, I could have been transported back to 1951. (I saw "Hot Tub Time Machine", so anything is possible.) I did a quick search, but everything seemed to be in order. Obama was still President and the Mets still sucked.

After hearing this, I wanted to tell my Mother all about Groupon, but it was fruitless. First of all, "Groupon", sounds like something that could be found during your colonoscopy. Secondly, what fun would my Mom have with downloadable coupons? "You go to the computer and you don't cut anything out? You have to use a printer? I'd rather pay full price."

Groupon really takes the fun out of the hunt, doesn't it? All the coupons are in one place. Groupon would singlehandedly remove the need for her regular scavenger mission of searching through a series of local newspapers, circulars, Valpaks, and more to find incredible savings at prices we haven't seen since the Korean War.

A few hours later, while watching television, I saw a commercial for Apple where they were touting all that can be done with iPhone apps. One of the highlights was scanning a bar code at check out with your iPhone to receive a discount. I had to tread lighlty here. This could bring my Mother into the future much too quickly and run the risk of injury.

But I knew better. She wasn't going to change her strategy now. Not after all these years of success. The most amazing part of her coupon finding accumen was not finding the discounts. It's actually making the time to drive to each store for the savings. She has to map out her route in advance. 50% off milk...one mile away(take the backroads) Buy one, get one free toothpaste...two miles (make the first U-turn). Triple coupons...3 miles.(take the highway) All this work, and without a Garmin. This represented real skill. One woman against the elements all in the name of saving cash.

But I couldn't help but think. With the current price of gas, could all this driving reallybe worth it?

It is when you can buy orange juice for 19 cents. Long live the traditional coupon and those who collect them like stamps and baseball cards.