Humans are strange animals. Aren't they? We're filled with angst and anxiety that we carry around for years. And by the time we realize how unimportant most of it was, we're probably somewhere between incontinence and a respirator.
Our pets have it much better. And to a certain extent, wild animals have it the best.
But why? Their basic requirements are the same as ours. They need to eat, drink, make, bathe, sleep, and have sex. On the surface, it's a mirror image of our species. Not exactly. What separates them from us is that these simplistic needs are ALL they concern themselves with. Nothing else gets in the way.
Our lists are twice as long. And if you're Jewish, they're even longer.
First, animals never have to worry about money. With the exception of the kangaroo and maybe a koala, none of them have pockets. Without pockets, there's just no room for cash or credit cards. So they don't have any financial worries. Their kids never go to college and retirement plans never enter the picture.
Animals also have the unique benefit of never having to focus on clothes. They don't care about Fashion Week, and last year's style means about as little as this year's. If they have fur, they're always wearing a jacket and if they don't, well, they're in their birthday suits. Fortunately, they don't give a damn. They can walk around naked all day, and nobody sends them to their own beach. They never get arrested.
They also can't talk. That means a few important things. They don't spew racial slurs, they don't argue about politics, and they never bad mouth anybody. If you counted the number of times we did these things, you'd quickly realize that if we didn't, we'd never talk at all.
Animals don't have to worry about keeping up with the Jonses. They don't get extra credit for being in a nicer dog house, a spacious place for hibernation, or the perfect spot in a tree. Location, location, location doesn't apply here. Also, nobody drives. If you don't drive, you can't possibly look at cars as a status symbol. Most wouldn't know a Ford from a Lexus, except maybe deer that would freeze a little more in certain zenon headlights.
They never worry about their health. I haven't met one animal yet that's considers hersrlf a hypochondriac. Even if they have a condition that should concern them, they don't pay attention. I've never seen a tiger worry about incontinence. The birds never worry about flu season. Even if it's the bird flu. Does an elephant ever think about cataracts? Does your dog worry about his first colonoscopy? No chance.
Animals' biggest category of superiority has to be....sex. Animals have sex to breed and perpetuate the species. That's it. Not us. We're at a different level. When was the last zebra that worried about erectile dysfunction? Did the Lion King ever ask his date if it was "good for her?" Did a horse ever worry about being thought of as a slut? Not even Equus. Maybe this is why humans who are good in the sack are referred to as "animals."
Animals are at peace. They don't complain to their friends. They don't get medication from their shrinks. They're just survivors. Animals aren't caught up in nonsense. They keep it simple.
A lesson all humans still need to learn.
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