A Cure for Charities

The economy stinks, but people are still buying iPads. The stock market is in a holding pattern, however, hotels are booked and vacation travel has exploded. Home furnishing retail is getting crushed, but upscale restaurants are crowded again.

Uncertain times can definitely cause changes in our buying patterns, but the one area nobody talks about is charity. Are we giving as much as we used to? Do we just wait for another disaster to strike similar to New Orleans or Haiti, so we can simply text our donations to the Red Cross?

Some of us still have our favorite charities and give if our finances allow. Then there's the other contingency that walks, runs, bikes, skips, jump ropes, or rollerblades to raise money for a worthy cause that's personal to them. Through email blasts, many of these people can reach hundreds of friends at once asking each one to "sponsor" them and pay a few bucks by the mile. So it wasn't until recently that I realized that they may be leaving significant money on the table.

First of all, walking and running are certainly tests of endurance and in turn, the participants ask us to pay for their efforts. Again, a great concept, but so mundane that the maximum money raised is capped before you get to the starting gate.

Let's forget about all this child's play and go for the real deal. Like lion taming. Man, wouldn't that be a cash cow? You finish a walk, you get 5 bucks per mile. But you pull a Ziefield and Roy, and hell, I'd pay $100 a minute. If you don't survive, we'd just create another charity for you - - "Finding a Cure for Lion Taming." Sky diving is another good one. If you get on your bike and ride 100 miles, the best case scenario is $5 a mile. But if you jumped out of an airplane at 15,000 feet, people would pledge a couple of grand and you'd get prominent placement on You Tube.

Alright, maybe these are a little too dangerous. So how about putting people in uncomfortable situations for cash. And it would vary by individual. If someone doesn't like to speak in public, you offer to pay $500 for a half hour speech, and money goes up if the audience increases. People who avoid the dentist because they've seen Dustin Hoffman in "Marathon Man" or for any other reason, would receive several hundred for a cleaning and a grand for root canal. People who are afraid of heights get higher jackpots depending on the size of the building. The crown at the Statue or Liberty is worth $250, but the observation deck at the Empire State building or Seattle's Space Needle would begin at $1500.

With this strategy we accomplish two things. First, more money for the charity. Next, you help people conquer their fears and work on self improvement. In a sense, it's like double charity.

The tag lines for fundraising would sound more interesting too. "Speed Racing for Sinusitus", "Bungee Jumping for Brochitis", "Shark Swimming for Syphilis.". Marketing these charities would be much easier, as these names just roll right off the tongue. But I don't expect any drastic changes in the near future. So we'll still be paying for people to walk or ride bicycles. And the charities will continue being underfunded.

But as soon as they come out with" Russian Roulette for Rheumatoid Arthritis", I suspect that we'll all start donating monthly with direct deposit accounts.