One of the most complex decisions we've ever had to make was what to name our kids. Let's face it. This is the true definition of pressure. They have to live with it....forever. And if you're born into a last name like Lipshitz, you're already behind the eight ball.
Depending on who you are, a different set of priorities is established. Once you've gotten beyond the idea that you're not simply going to place the word "Jr.' behind your own name, well, the fun really starts.
In the Jewish religion, there's a very uplifting tradition where the child's first initial or perhaps their middle name, mirrors a deceased member of the family. I've always respected the intent of keeping a grandmother's name alive, but this approach will somehow always be associated with some classic horror movie concepts that were probably born out of Linda Blair.
The next hurdle is avoiding any name that already exists in your life whose owner is someone you simply detest. No matter how hard you try, a lifelong imprinted name will always remind you of that kid in 8th grade who gave you a wedgie in the bathroom. With that said, I must also state the painfully obvious. If a name suddenly springs into the vernacular and then becomes possessed by a litany of new offspring, we tend to shy away because it kills our originality.
I remember when my second child was born. I was tired of falling back to the baby naming websites and books that I had become accustomed. So, I suggested looking into a different resource.
Zagat
After all, many restauranteurs named their establishments after women they've loved; girlfriends, wives, mothers. So either way, there was bound to be a few winners in there. Now, I'm not suggesting that I was considering 'Gotham Bar and Grill" or 'Nobu." However, "Oceana" and "Serafina" almost made the cut. Much to the pleasure of my daughter, we didn't go with those options.
Names are important. Many people have suggested that "your name is your destiny." Great, more pressure. But if we humored society for a moment and went with that premise, you could make the argument that your name should come from an established grouping that is clearly defined to be and do only one thing.
Like the pharmaceuticals.
Why not name our children after some of the medication we've been taking throughout our lives?The same medication that our kids will probably be taking throughout their own. I know, a silly idea, but maybe not.
You want to have a kid that will lead a peaceful life? Call him Xanax. If you even manage to get into a heated debate with him, you just say, "calm down, Xanax." If that isn't your cup of tea, you'll still be left with a dearth of other choices.
Want a really strong, manly name? Go with Cialis. Women will just have to hear that name once, and they'll flock. Or how about a really laid back girl? Lunesta. How about a kid that never complains when potty-training? Flomax. It even has the name "max" in there. For those who want kids who are immune to infections? Go with another "max". Zithromax.
But why let the prescription meds have all the fun. The OTC drugs have a place in the child naming process as well. For the girl you never want to find smoking with her friends? Call her Nicorette. They'll eventually shorten it to Nicky. If you call your kid Benadryl, his friends will probably gravitate towards Beny. And on the female side, Claritin will most certainly be adopted into Clare.
And as we've all encountered people that make us sick to our stomachs, wouldn't they be just a bit more palatable if their names relieved the way we react to them. For instance. I would feel so much better if I encountered an a-hole named Prevacid. Maybe I would have gotten along with old co-workers better if they were named Nexium.
These names are unmistakable. We know what they represent and in turn, our expectations are met. So the next time you or someone you know is struggling between 6 overplayed names (3 if it's a girl, and 3 if it's boy), tell them to put the books down and go to CVS.
Then, they can really make some progress.
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