Mentally Handicapped Parking

Despite all the hoopla over the possibility of a new, national health care bill, once again a critical area is being severely overlooked: Mental Health. Not that this represents anything new. For years, insurance companies have treated mental health patients like second class citizens, with a sophomoric view of wellness(don't worry, he'll snap out of it).

As a rule, there's little we can do to change this perception and relying on our politicians is akin to plugging up the hole in the damn with your thumb. However, there is one area where we can make a significant difference.

Parking.

Why have we allocated spaces to the physically handicapped for years, and nothing for the mentally disabled? I think it's time we stand up and make a difference. I know it isn't much in the grand scheme of things, but I think these people have earned their stripes, and deserve their own designated parking.

This doesn't mean that these additional spaces will also be located closer to the front entrance of the mall. We certainly don't want the mentally and physically challenged to have a mixer. I just think that an area designed for specific ailments could really be beneficial.

Multiple personalities are automatically designated at least two spaces so they can rotate depending on mood. The obsessive compulsives will have a very large area to themselves, the size of a playground. They'll need to pull into and out of spaces several times, without getting in the way of other drivers. Manic depressives will have a traditional spot, the only difference is they get a free car wash while they're shopping. A clean car always lifts the spirits. Bipolar disorder can be tricky, so as a precaution their spaces will be surrounded by a sea of bumper cars.

I know what you're thinking. We're all a little nuts, so how can we distiguish the drivers who truly live and suffer with these disorders?

Simple. A rearview mirror tag.

The wheelchair is the universal sign for the physically disabled. Therefore, as a mental equivalent, the new tags would have a picture of Freud. It's easily identifiable, and no questions asked. In an era of much needed health care reform, it seems that mentally handicapped parking is the least the government can do.

It should work much better than Cash for Clunkers.