For most people, Thanksgiving is defined by the the 3 F's:
Family, Food, and Football
As for me, I've always focused on the first two. Because unlike the rest of the free world, I'm just not that into football. In some houses, this belief system would force me into a time-out in the corner, or be relegated to the kitchen and speak to some of the ladies about Rachael Ray, or some reality show on the Food Network. So be it.
I looked forward to Thanksgiving so I could watch hockey. That's right. A Canadian sport. And yes, from that northern country that celebrates Boxing Day instead of Thanksgiving. I'd rather watch two players throw their helmets and gloves off and duke it out rather than watch a guy pummel a helpless player catching a pass in mid-field. Hey, we all have our preferences.
But now, yet again, I will be without hockey on Thanksgiving. For this, I can give thanks to yet another NHL lockout; the second in just eight years. My fear is that this one is going to last well beyond Thanksgiving. I don't think I'll even see a puck drop by Christmas. Therefore, I must prepare for the worst and find different activities that replace the adrenaline rush I used to get from watching these toothless warriors skate around.
The first thing I need to solve is replacing violence in a skating arena. For that, I'm going to You Tube to watch the footage of the Nancy Kerrigan and Tanya Harding incident. Boy, I would love to have seen those two duke it out on the ice. My money's on Tanya.
I've always had an affinity for the goalies in hockey, and you just don't get a chance to see them every day. So, I think I'll download all the Halloween movies so I can see Jason in a classic Ken Dryden mask. I'm going to turn the volume down because he seems much less scary when you can't hear that foreboding music that just says, "look out behind you!"
It's hard to find a reason for people to use a hockey stick beyond, well, hockey. But I have a few ideas to put mine to good use. The first thing is to replace my broom. Brooms get dirty very quickly and cleaning them is even messier. (or should I say Messier?) Using a hockey stick to sweep dirt into a dustpan is much cooler and can make for great exercise. Cleaning up glass is a little trickier, but glass looks a lot like ice giving the process a more authentic feel.
I'm also going to replace my snow brush and ice pick. There's nothing sexy about taking snow and ice off your car. But there will be now, as you stick handle your way down the hood, across the windshields, and against the side mirrors. If you do this while wearing a hockey jersey, you can expect to find yourself on You Tube pretty quickly. And probably with a lot of views.
In keeping with the snow theme, I'm also going to rent my own Zamboni. After all, what are they using them for these days? I'll keep it in my garage, and on those really icy days, I'll use it on the driveway. This will help level out the chips, and I'll be able to create my very own rink. Just think how happy the kids are going to be when they can go ice skating without ever leaving the house.
Referees are people I'm definitely going to miss. There's just something about how those black and white stripes really stand out. As a replacement, I'll tune in to a few hours of Animal Planet and watch the Zebras. The lions in pursuit of their prey can play the role of the fired up coaches that argue the calls made by the zebra refs.
The hardest iconic hockey piece to replace is by far the face-off. It's one of the greatest battles in sports. Mano-a-mano, you stare up at your opponent and give them that nasty stare down. There can only be one winner, and you both dig in your heels and fight to the death for victory. Where else am I going to find that kind of intensity with such great frequency? Oh yeah. I still have my ex-wife.
In the end, I guess there just isn't a cure-all for a hockey lock-out. So today, I will dutifully watch football and secretly dream of grabbing a few turkey legs for sticks and a wish bone for a puck.
Game on.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Say Yes To More Reality Mess
Every time my kids have a territorial advantage on the remote control, I'm forced to watch some reality show. Lately, the brain numbing program of choice has been "Say Yes to the Dress." Now, I don't need to go into great detail as to why this doesn't appeal to me. And it's compounded by the fact that I haven't seen a puck hit the ice in over two months.
Nonetheless, I'm forced to watch women of all shapes, sizes, and tattoos argue with everyone from salespeople, bridesmaids, and their mothers about which dress to select for an occasion that will last about 5 hours.
Suffice it to say that I couldn't "Care Less about the Dress." But my kids certainly do. My older daughter gets caught up in all the nuances of the family drama, while my youngest says, "I just like seeing all the different dresses.'' So, after several airings of this garbage, I thought, if you can't beat them...join them.
I started thinking about some spinoffs that would be much more interesting. As the next step after the wedding could be the decision to start a family, wouldn't it be great to see young couples bickering over whether or not have a kid?
"What do you mean we don't have the money?!!"
"I haven't even seen Italy yet!"
"I don't know how to change a diaper"
"Your mother's really been a pain in the ass"
And the name of our new hit show......."Say Maybe To The Baby." I smell a hit. There's just nothing better than a couple fighting vehemently about the biological clock. So this show runs its course, and eventually someone caves and they have the baby. They have to quickly move on to the next phase which involves certain traditions you plan for after bringing a little one into the world. Which brings us to our second spin-off called...
"Say Diss to the Bris." Let's face it. There are lot of people out there who have weak stomachs. Most of us could think of a laundry list of things they would rather be doing instead of witnessing a circumcision. And for some, just the word mohel, gives some people the shakes. So the prospect of filming people's reactions to a bris has great comic potential.
After the birth of a child, the in-laws usually spend a lot more time with the happy couple, usually rendering them, well, unhappy. Inevitably, flaws come to the surface like dead fish, and the grandparents become very critical of their sons and daughters in law. This dynamic would spawn two companion shows from different perspectives. "Can't Decide on the Bride" and "There's No Room For The Groom" will run back to back on Tuesday nights for an hour of reality bliss.
The next big step in the lifecycle is deciding where to buy a house for the growing family. Once again, this can cause great drama that's certain to provide strong ratings in the key demos. This is where couples first become exposed to one of the world's great menaces: The Real Estate Broker. Here, you can sit back and try to spot a series of lies about the neighborhood and its educational system. Therefore, "Losing Patience with Your Agent" is something we've all experienced and destined to be a crowd pleaser.
Completing the circle, about 7 years into our continuing franchise, we find many of our couples under the strain of finances, soccer games, individual smothering, infidelity, and more. This fiery period will draw us in to a world where the marriage eventually becomes unhinged, making "Get This Louse Out Of My House" an instant classic.
The beauty is that a majority of these couples will eventually get remarried, and when they do, we can watch them return on "Say Yes To The Dress."
Life really is its own reality show.
Nonetheless, I'm forced to watch women of all shapes, sizes, and tattoos argue with everyone from salespeople, bridesmaids, and their mothers about which dress to select for an occasion that will last about 5 hours.
Suffice it to say that I couldn't "Care Less about the Dress." But my kids certainly do. My older daughter gets caught up in all the nuances of the family drama, while my youngest says, "I just like seeing all the different dresses.'' So, after several airings of this garbage, I thought, if you can't beat them...join them.
I started thinking about some spinoffs that would be much more interesting. As the next step after the wedding could be the decision to start a family, wouldn't it be great to see young couples bickering over whether or not have a kid?
"What do you mean we don't have the money?!!"
"I haven't even seen Italy yet!"
"I don't know how to change a diaper"
"Your mother's really been a pain in the ass"
And the name of our new hit show......."Say Maybe To The Baby." I smell a hit. There's just nothing better than a couple fighting vehemently about the biological clock. So this show runs its course, and eventually someone caves and they have the baby. They have to quickly move on to the next phase which involves certain traditions you plan for after bringing a little one into the world. Which brings us to our second spin-off called...
"Say Diss to the Bris." Let's face it. There are lot of people out there who have weak stomachs. Most of us could think of a laundry list of things they would rather be doing instead of witnessing a circumcision. And for some, just the word mohel, gives some people the shakes. So the prospect of filming people's reactions to a bris has great comic potential.
After the birth of a child, the in-laws usually spend a lot more time with the happy couple, usually rendering them, well, unhappy. Inevitably, flaws come to the surface like dead fish, and the grandparents become very critical of their sons and daughters in law. This dynamic would spawn two companion shows from different perspectives. "Can't Decide on the Bride" and "There's No Room For The Groom" will run back to back on Tuesday nights for an hour of reality bliss.
The next big step in the lifecycle is deciding where to buy a house for the growing family. Once again, this can cause great drama that's certain to provide strong ratings in the key demos. This is where couples first become exposed to one of the world's great menaces: The Real Estate Broker. Here, you can sit back and try to spot a series of lies about the neighborhood and its educational system. Therefore, "Losing Patience with Your Agent" is something we've all experienced and destined to be a crowd pleaser.
Completing the circle, about 7 years into our continuing franchise, we find many of our couples under the strain of finances, soccer games, individual smothering, infidelity, and more. This fiery period will draw us in to a world where the marriage eventually becomes unhinged, making "Get This Louse Out Of My House" an instant classic.
The beauty is that a majority of these couples will eventually get remarried, and when they do, we can watch them return on "Say Yes To The Dress."
Life really is its own reality show.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Sandy vs 9/11
In this corner, weighing 3 million pounds, emanating from various areas of the Middle East.....it's Niiinneeee Eeeeeleeeveeen! And in the opposite corner, weighing in at a similar 3 million pounds...from the intersection of the U.S. and Canada...Huuriiicaaaane Saaannnddyyy!
It would be quite a boxing match if it ever occurred in some parallel universe, but no matter. An actual battle has been playing out in broadcast media, social media, and even in that antiquated medium called print. The comparisons are being made at many different levels, led predominantly by politicians, and for the purposes of federal reimbursement and decisions about safety.
First, it seems pointless to compare these events on any level. One was a calculated, diabolically planned terrorist attack that developed over many years. The other was a natural occurrence without any natural enemies that took just a few weeks to develop. But don't get me wrong. The damage inflicted was equally devastating and they cut deep into our collective psyches. However, to be fair, it's worth exploring the notable similarities and differences.
Hurricane Sandy and 9/11 shut down the U.S stock market. They closed public transportation, many businesses, and schools. They made it difficult for people to focus on anything else but the immediate matters at hand, and it exposed a breach in our security. Communication was virtually shut down, and it became difficult to alert your friends and family about your whereabouts. These events even forced our political leaders to rise to the occasion and many raised their profiles and approval ratings.
They also brought us closer together. We began to talk to people that we'd usually ignore. Race and religion no longer mattered. We were all Americans. Americans challenged to get their lives back together. It also made us take a second look at what we had. If your family was still in tact, you were grateful. If your house was still intact, you were grateful. So it made us take pause; something that we rarely schedule into our weekly calendars.
But that's where the comparisons end.
When the towers fell, more people perished. It was over 3000. With the hurricane, the number stood near 43. (Please note that these numbers are only for the basis of comparison, as just a single death is too many.) 9/11 essentially turned off lower Manhattan, and specifically those areas near Wall Street. Hurricane Sandy shut down power for over 50 percent of the tri-State area, many of whom are still without it.
The terrorist attack shook us at our foundations, including friends, families, and co-workers. Hurricane Sandy shook the foundations of houses, businesses, boardwalks, sending many into the ocean or just into a state of massive dilapidation. After 9/11, most of us had places to return to, either home or business. In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, some people don't know where to go.
9/11 was a massive violation. Hurricane Sandy was a massive Armageddon. Right now, people haven't had their power for a full week. Gas is scarce, and the working pumps have 2 hour lines. I have co-workers that lost their homes and friends spending several days in other peoples homes just for heat and hot water. Some of these may even be out of state.
And yet, we still have people trying to link these two events. The New York City Marathon was a great example. The initial thought was if we ran the race after 9/11, we shouldn't have a problem running it now. We all know how that turned out. It also seemed like the Red Cross naturally gravitated to downtown Manhattan again, because the power was shut down there, and after all, that's where they went last time. Meanwhile, the people on Staten Island and in Queens that really needed the immediate help, had to wait longer. It was even rumored that before the cancellation of the NYC Marathon, Mayor Bloomberg called former Mayor Rudy Giuliani to ask for advice. Are you kidding?
I think it's time we stop connecting these two events and let them stand on their own. They are different, and so are our feelings towards them. Instead, let's focus our efforts through all means possible, getting assistance to the people who really need it.
Help someone get gas for his generator. Bring food and water to an area without it. Offer your homes to friends and neighbors without power. And most importantly, keep people informed.
9/11 and Hurricane Sandy are in similar weight classes - they're both heavyweights. But that's where the comparisons end.
It would be quite a boxing match if it ever occurred in some parallel universe, but no matter. An actual battle has been playing out in broadcast media, social media, and even in that antiquated medium called print. The comparisons are being made at many different levels, led predominantly by politicians, and for the purposes of federal reimbursement and decisions about safety.
First, it seems pointless to compare these events on any level. One was a calculated, diabolically planned terrorist attack that developed over many years. The other was a natural occurrence without any natural enemies that took just a few weeks to develop. But don't get me wrong. The damage inflicted was equally devastating and they cut deep into our collective psyches. However, to be fair, it's worth exploring the notable similarities and differences.
Hurricane Sandy and 9/11 shut down the U.S stock market. They closed public transportation, many businesses, and schools. They made it difficult for people to focus on anything else but the immediate matters at hand, and it exposed a breach in our security. Communication was virtually shut down, and it became difficult to alert your friends and family about your whereabouts. These events even forced our political leaders to rise to the occasion and many raised their profiles and approval ratings.
They also brought us closer together. We began to talk to people that we'd usually ignore. Race and religion no longer mattered. We were all Americans. Americans challenged to get their lives back together. It also made us take a second look at what we had. If your family was still in tact, you were grateful. If your house was still intact, you were grateful. So it made us take pause; something that we rarely schedule into our weekly calendars.
But that's where the comparisons end.
When the towers fell, more people perished. It was over 3000. With the hurricane, the number stood near 43. (Please note that these numbers are only for the basis of comparison, as just a single death is too many.) 9/11 essentially turned off lower Manhattan, and specifically those areas near Wall Street. Hurricane Sandy shut down power for over 50 percent of the tri-State area, many of whom are still without it.
The terrorist attack shook us at our foundations, including friends, families, and co-workers. Hurricane Sandy shook the foundations of houses, businesses, boardwalks, sending many into the ocean or just into a state of massive dilapidation. After 9/11, most of us had places to return to, either home or business. In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, some people don't know where to go.
9/11 was a massive violation. Hurricane Sandy was a massive Armageddon. Right now, people haven't had their power for a full week. Gas is scarce, and the working pumps have 2 hour lines. I have co-workers that lost their homes and friends spending several days in other peoples homes just for heat and hot water. Some of these may even be out of state.
And yet, we still have people trying to link these two events. The New York City Marathon was a great example. The initial thought was if we ran the race after 9/11, we shouldn't have a problem running it now. We all know how that turned out. It also seemed like the Red Cross naturally gravitated to downtown Manhattan again, because the power was shut down there, and after all, that's where they went last time. Meanwhile, the people on Staten Island and in Queens that really needed the immediate help, had to wait longer. It was even rumored that before the cancellation of the NYC Marathon, Mayor Bloomberg called former Mayor Rudy Giuliani to ask for advice. Are you kidding?
I think it's time we stop connecting these two events and let them stand on their own. They are different, and so are our feelings towards them. Instead, let's focus our efforts through all means possible, getting assistance to the people who really need it.
Help someone get gas for his generator. Bring food and water to an area without it. Offer your homes to friends and neighbors without power. And most importantly, keep people informed.
9/11 and Hurricane Sandy are in similar weight classes - they're both heavyweights. But that's where the comparisons end.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
What Can You Live Without?
This storm of all storms, ironically, named after my ex-Mother-in-Law, has caused a whirlwind of introspection. Beyond the obvious of forcing many of us to take a step backwards and analyze what's truly important in our lives, it's also caused us all to take a genuine look at what we can truly live without.
Just for starters, power isn't one of them. I never realized how much I loved power until I walked around in the dark holding a flashlight while looking for candles. Not having hot water made cold showers seem like water torture, and I didn't think I fell in love with wi-fi, but when it returns, I think I'm going to marry it.
However, in those hours of sitting in the dark and reading by iPad light I came to realize what I really didn't find essential.
Television
It's a shame to admit this, especially because I work in the business. However, didn't miss it. Baseball is over, hockey is in the middle of yet another lock out, and with the exception of just a few shows I like, the rest can be tossed off a cliff. I couldn't care less about what's happening with The New Girl, Gossip Girl, or Girls. I wouldn't miss the endless shows about vampires and zombies. For that matter, you can also strike any show with an alcoholic cop or a lawyer that bends the rules.
Ice Cream
I'm one of those who don't need a warm day to crave ice cream or frozen yogurt. Either way, when the power goes out, you're left with nothing more than defrosted sugar soup. One look at that mess and I realized that a cookie would be just fine. And much drier.
Newspaper
With an eye on full disclosure, I must admit that I did manage to get 4G service throughout the storm. Simulataneously, I missed delivery of all of my highly coveted Wall Street Journals during a similar period of time. And although I still enjoy reading a newspaper, I managed to receive all the pertient information regarding power outages, sports, business news, and more simply by perusing different news oriented websites on my iPad. It's a sad day when I can forsee a time when the printing press becomes a relic like the typewriter, but the end is near.
Mircrowave
By the time I arrive home from work, the last thing on my mind is to pretend that I'm a contestant on a Food Network show. So, I take what I have in the fridge and nuke it. I'm not proud of it. I know that these microwaves can't be good for me or frankly, for the food. But I eat it any way. Having a few days without it, forced me to improvise and get by with the stovetop. And not only does it give you a break, it also gives you more options.
Lights
This one is a little more radical. But follow it through. For half the day, you can live with natural light. By the time you're back at night, it's only a few more hours before you hit the pillow. Now think of every device that you use - cell phone, computer, laptop, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and television. Each one has a screen that lights up. With the exception of finding the toiliet, you could literarally do seveal different activities in the house with only the light from your electronics.
Those are my top 5. And as this blackout continues, I may encounter a few more for the list.
What can you live without?
Just for starters, power isn't one of them. I never realized how much I loved power until I walked around in the dark holding a flashlight while looking for candles. Not having hot water made cold showers seem like water torture, and I didn't think I fell in love with wi-fi, but when it returns, I think I'm going to marry it.
However, in those hours of sitting in the dark and reading by iPad light I came to realize what I really didn't find essential.
Television
It's a shame to admit this, especially because I work in the business. However, didn't miss it. Baseball is over, hockey is in the middle of yet another lock out, and with the exception of just a few shows I like, the rest can be tossed off a cliff. I couldn't care less about what's happening with The New Girl, Gossip Girl, or Girls. I wouldn't miss the endless shows about vampires and zombies. For that matter, you can also strike any show with an alcoholic cop or a lawyer that bends the rules.
Ice Cream
I'm one of those who don't need a warm day to crave ice cream or frozen yogurt. Either way, when the power goes out, you're left with nothing more than defrosted sugar soup. One look at that mess and I realized that a cookie would be just fine. And much drier.
Newspaper
With an eye on full disclosure, I must admit that I did manage to get 4G service throughout the storm. Simulataneously, I missed delivery of all of my highly coveted Wall Street Journals during a similar period of time. And although I still enjoy reading a newspaper, I managed to receive all the pertient information regarding power outages, sports, business news, and more simply by perusing different news oriented websites on my iPad. It's a sad day when I can forsee a time when the printing press becomes a relic like the typewriter, but the end is near.
Mircrowave
By the time I arrive home from work, the last thing on my mind is to pretend that I'm a contestant on a Food Network show. So, I take what I have in the fridge and nuke it. I'm not proud of it. I know that these microwaves can't be good for me or frankly, for the food. But I eat it any way. Having a few days without it, forced me to improvise and get by with the stovetop. And not only does it give you a break, it also gives you more options.
Lights
This one is a little more radical. But follow it through. For half the day, you can live with natural light. By the time you're back at night, it's only a few more hours before you hit the pillow. Now think of every device that you use - cell phone, computer, laptop, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and television. Each one has a screen that lights up. With the exception of finding the toiliet, you could literarally do seveal different activities in the house with only the light from your electronics.
Those are my top 5. And as this blackout continues, I may encounter a few more for the list.
What can you live without?
Monday, October 29, 2012
Whistle While You Work
I don't know if you've noticed, but lately, there's a whole lot of whistling going on. Not the kind that's ripping outside your window right now. I'm speaking of the traditional kind. Now this isn't exactly a negative. Whistling has always been thought of as activity you engage in when you're relaxed, and most of the time when you're happy.
And because whistling is also known as the "poor man's singing," it's had a tendency to also show up in many popular songs over the years. One of the best, of course, is Otis Redding's "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" which used whistling just as much for imagery as it did for the tune itself. Many years later, Bobby Mcpherrin soared to popularity in the late 80's with the reggae inspired laid back hit, "Don't Worry, Be Happy," which held a steady, I don't give a sh$t whistle throughout.
Now there's another song that I've been hearing far too often by a group named, Flo Rida, simply called "Whistle." It pounds in my head at the gym, at the pharmacy, in a few elevators, and most notably on my kids' iPad. When I first heard this song in a public place, I had no idea there was whistling in the song. I thought the guy on line behind me was whistling to it. Which just goes to show you that when it comes to whistling, you really can't tell the difference between professional and amateur.
But don't think for a second that it ends with music. It's now moved into advertising. Especially on the radio. 1-800-GOT-JUNK's ad has two men offering to clean up your mess, and all along do it while whistling. The new Honda Accord commercial is a conversation between husband and wife arguing about whether the husband should have spent so much money for extras like Bluetooth, Pandora, and a back up camera. We eventually find out that all these features are standard. All along, we hear someone whistling in the background. Toyota quickly followed suit with it's own ad reminding drivers to bring their vehicles in for regular maintenance, also with a narrator and a whistler.
So just what's going on here? Are these ad agencies trying to save money on musicians? Does buying the rights to a popular rock song no longer fit into the media plan? There aren't even any background singers anymore. Just whistlers. I'm sure they come cheaper.
When it comes to the popular history of whistling, the country's first mass introduction was the theme of "The Andy Griffith Show." That video of Andy walking a country road with little Ron Howard, both carrying fishing poles just epitomized the laid back lifestyle of that sleepy Mayberry town in North Carolina.
And if you want to travel back even further, long before there was Facebook, some of you may have seen Bing Crosby whistle to White Christmas. I don't think you saw it live, but hey, isn't that what You Tube is for?
The one conclusion that can be drawn about the whistle is that somehow it reflects a feeling of a more peaceful time gone by. It conjures a father-son activity like fishing, a family holiday like Christmas, or a casual, carefree attitude of a life driven by a lack of worry. Why wouldn't musicians and advertisers take advantage of using it?
Maybe you should too. It may just get you through a hurricane.
And because whistling is also known as the "poor man's singing," it's had a tendency to also show up in many popular songs over the years. One of the best, of course, is Otis Redding's "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" which used whistling just as much for imagery as it did for the tune itself. Many years later, Bobby Mcpherrin soared to popularity in the late 80's with the reggae inspired laid back hit, "Don't Worry, Be Happy," which held a steady, I don't give a sh$t whistle throughout.
Now there's another song that I've been hearing far too often by a group named, Flo Rida, simply called "Whistle." It pounds in my head at the gym, at the pharmacy, in a few elevators, and most notably on my kids' iPad. When I first heard this song in a public place, I had no idea there was whistling in the song. I thought the guy on line behind me was whistling to it. Which just goes to show you that when it comes to whistling, you really can't tell the difference between professional and amateur.
But don't think for a second that it ends with music. It's now moved into advertising. Especially on the radio. 1-800-GOT-JUNK's ad has two men offering to clean up your mess, and all along do it while whistling. The new Honda Accord commercial is a conversation between husband and wife arguing about whether the husband should have spent so much money for extras like Bluetooth, Pandora, and a back up camera. We eventually find out that all these features are standard. All along, we hear someone whistling in the background. Toyota quickly followed suit with it's own ad reminding drivers to bring their vehicles in for regular maintenance, also with a narrator and a whistler.
So just what's going on here? Are these ad agencies trying to save money on musicians? Does buying the rights to a popular rock song no longer fit into the media plan? There aren't even any background singers anymore. Just whistlers. I'm sure they come cheaper.
When it comes to the popular history of whistling, the country's first mass introduction was the theme of "The Andy Griffith Show." That video of Andy walking a country road with little Ron Howard, both carrying fishing poles just epitomized the laid back lifestyle of that sleepy Mayberry town in North Carolina.
And if you want to travel back even further, long before there was Facebook, some of you may have seen Bing Crosby whistle to White Christmas. I don't think you saw it live, but hey, isn't that what You Tube is for?
The one conclusion that can be drawn about the whistle is that somehow it reflects a feeling of a more peaceful time gone by. It conjures a father-son activity like fishing, a family holiday like Christmas, or a casual, carefree attitude of a life driven by a lack of worry. Why wouldn't musicians and advertisers take advantage of using it?
Maybe you should too. It may just get you through a hurricane.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Mixed Doubles
After watching three Presidential Debates in their entirety, and listening to endless hours of the talking head pundits on both the liberal and coservative networks, I've come to a conclusion.
Our system needs an overhaul. I know I'm not alone here. Many have suggested doing away with the electoral college. Although I'm more of a popular vote fan, I elect to keep it. Others have discussed the need for a true independent party. I'm in favor, but the problem is finding a candidate with the necessary funding to make a legitimate run at the Presidency. Last week, a friend suggested a radical approach where the Commander in Chief be granted a 6-year term. This way, he won't be burdened with the campaign trail after just a short 24 months. I like this idea in concept, but if you truly dislike your President, six years is an enternity to wait for a changing of the guard.
Suffice it to say that no idea is perfect. However, I've come up with a way for us to satisfy our need for the balance of power without extended terms, voter changes, or even an an additional political party. This is something even Elephants and the Donkeys haven't thought of yet.
From now on, our political tickets should play a game of mixed doubles. One from column A and one from column B. You want a fair and balanced system? You got it.
One Repulican and one Democrat on each side. You want someone that can reach across the aisle? How about reaching across the table, because that's how close they'll be. They can share a bagel or a knish. When they work on domestic and foreign policy issues, they won't have to worry about whether it will appeal more to the Senate or the House, or whether it will lean too far to the left or right. Now, these bipartisan doctrines will go in fully vetted while reducing the likelihood of being thrown out.
The debates would be more interesting too. Can you imagine? I'd pit the Democrat against the Democrat and the Republican against the Republican. Just out of the abject fear of agreeing with an adversary in the same party, they would be forced to bring original ideas forward. That's someting politicians aren't accustomed to. Currently, they're trained to repeat the same old mantras of their party. But the same party battling against each other? Now you'd have a horserace.
There was a recent article on Yahoo that uncovered an electroral vote permuatation that showed how Obama and Romney could actually finish with 269 votes each. According to the aformentioned article, Constitutional law states that in the event of a draw, the incumbent President loses to the challenger, however, the current Vice President chooses the new one. So conceivably, Romney and Biden would be in power. It's a crazy thought, but it would make for some great ratings on election night....and beyond.
It could also set a precedent for a new democratic election system that becomes more the norm, and one that we could all live with.
A man can dream, can't he?
Our system needs an overhaul. I know I'm not alone here. Many have suggested doing away with the electoral college. Although I'm more of a popular vote fan, I elect to keep it. Others have discussed the need for a true independent party. I'm in favor, but the problem is finding a candidate with the necessary funding to make a legitimate run at the Presidency. Last week, a friend suggested a radical approach where the Commander in Chief be granted a 6-year term. This way, he won't be burdened with the campaign trail after just a short 24 months. I like this idea in concept, but if you truly dislike your President, six years is an enternity to wait for a changing of the guard.
Suffice it to say that no idea is perfect. However, I've come up with a way for us to satisfy our need for the balance of power without extended terms, voter changes, or even an an additional political party. This is something even Elephants and the Donkeys haven't thought of yet.
From now on, our political tickets should play a game of mixed doubles. One from column A and one from column B. You want a fair and balanced system? You got it.
One Repulican and one Democrat on each side. You want someone that can reach across the aisle? How about reaching across the table, because that's how close they'll be. They can share a bagel or a knish. When they work on domestic and foreign policy issues, they won't have to worry about whether it will appeal more to the Senate or the House, or whether it will lean too far to the left or right. Now, these bipartisan doctrines will go in fully vetted while reducing the likelihood of being thrown out.
The debates would be more interesting too. Can you imagine? I'd pit the Democrat against the Democrat and the Republican against the Republican. Just out of the abject fear of agreeing with an adversary in the same party, they would be forced to bring original ideas forward. That's someting politicians aren't accustomed to. Currently, they're trained to repeat the same old mantras of their party. But the same party battling against each other? Now you'd have a horserace.
There was a recent article on Yahoo that uncovered an electroral vote permuatation that showed how Obama and Romney could actually finish with 269 votes each. According to the aformentioned article, Constitutional law states that in the event of a draw, the incumbent President loses to the challenger, however, the current Vice President chooses the new one. So conceivably, Romney and Biden would be in power. It's a crazy thought, but it would make for some great ratings on election night....and beyond.
It could also set a precedent for a new democratic election system that becomes more the norm, and one that we could all live with.
A man can dream, can't he?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Dave and Busters, Craps and Blackjack
I've found that one of the easiest ways to entertain the kids is to venture over to Dave and Busters. And that's exactly what I did last weekend at the cavernous Palisades Center Mall in Rockland County.
Fueling up monetarily for the heavenly game room used to require quarters. But that was a different era. Many years later, tokens became in vogue. Now, technology has dictated that the most efficient way to quickly run through your money is by using declining balance swipe cards. This system is ingenious. Instead of visibly counting coins or tokens, you're blind to how much you actually have left, so before long, you're back to buy another card. No surprises here when I report that I easily blew through 4 cards before I could blink.
But I didn't mind. The games were great. They had horse races, dance contests, basketball, soccer, skeeball, and even a version of Fruit Ninja. I almost bought a game card for myself, but will power won over. So, the kids got busy in a hurry, running from station to station, more excited by each one.
This gave me a chance to sit back and watch the dynamic in the room. Hundreds of kids, carrying plastic buckets, and collecting tickets. I took a closer look at the games. There was one that resembled a slot machine. Another "game of chance" involved a ball that spun around endlessly until finally landing on a number that you hopefully pre-selected. In other words, roulette. The horse race game looked like a real race track with individual horses.
After each game, tickets spewed out of a small slot. I never understood the algorithm of how many you actually win, but my kids were tearing them off like paper towels. So, I watched all of this collective ticket collecting, with the volume getting so high that many spilled over the buckets and onto the floor.
It wasn't until they were finished and time to cash in those tickets that I realized that they were nothing more than mere substitutes for casino chips. Holy crap. This is gambling!
I don't remember exactly how old I was when I first became exposed to gambling. Although, I do have some vague recollection of going with my grandfather to pick my uncle up at an OTB. My grandfather used to call him "Uncle Nearly", instead of Larry. When I asked why, he said, "because your uncle always says he "nearly" won. This didn't exactly entice me to gamble.
Many years later, my father took me to Atlantic City where I got my first taste of a real casino. But my exposures to gambling were few and far between, and to this day I rarely go to Vegas or Atlantic City to throw my money away. I stay close to home and do that on iTunes.
But back to Dave and Busters. These bastards have actually set up a casino for children. This isn't my old arcade. This isn't Chucky Cheese either. This is gambling. And it's perfectly legal. More importantly, my kids love it. So this will be hard task to wean them off.
Fortunately, there is one saving grace. The prize counter. It doesn't matter how long you stay at Dave and Busters or how many tickets you accumulate. By the time you get to the prizes, you realize that you've won a sticker and rubber ball. OK, maybe it's not that bad. You may also get a skin tattoo.
Inevitably, you walk away disappointed. A lot like how you feel leaving a casino. Maybe this place does have some redeeming value after all.
Fueling up monetarily for the heavenly game room used to require quarters. But that was a different era. Many years later, tokens became in vogue. Now, technology has dictated that the most efficient way to quickly run through your money is by using declining balance swipe cards. This system is ingenious. Instead of visibly counting coins or tokens, you're blind to how much you actually have left, so before long, you're back to buy another card. No surprises here when I report that I easily blew through 4 cards before I could blink.
But I didn't mind. The games were great. They had horse races, dance contests, basketball, soccer, skeeball, and even a version of Fruit Ninja. I almost bought a game card for myself, but will power won over. So, the kids got busy in a hurry, running from station to station, more excited by each one.
This gave me a chance to sit back and watch the dynamic in the room. Hundreds of kids, carrying plastic buckets, and collecting tickets. I took a closer look at the games. There was one that resembled a slot machine. Another "game of chance" involved a ball that spun around endlessly until finally landing on a number that you hopefully pre-selected. In other words, roulette. The horse race game looked like a real race track with individual horses.
After each game, tickets spewed out of a small slot. I never understood the algorithm of how many you actually win, but my kids were tearing them off like paper towels. So, I watched all of this collective ticket collecting, with the volume getting so high that many spilled over the buckets and onto the floor.
It wasn't until they were finished and time to cash in those tickets that I realized that they were nothing more than mere substitutes for casino chips. Holy crap. This is gambling!
I don't remember exactly how old I was when I first became exposed to gambling. Although, I do have some vague recollection of going with my grandfather to pick my uncle up at an OTB. My grandfather used to call him "Uncle Nearly", instead of Larry. When I asked why, he said, "because your uncle always says he "nearly" won. This didn't exactly entice me to gamble.
Many years later, my father took me to Atlantic City where I got my first taste of a real casino. But my exposures to gambling were few and far between, and to this day I rarely go to Vegas or Atlantic City to throw my money away. I stay close to home and do that on iTunes.
But back to Dave and Busters. These bastards have actually set up a casino for children. This isn't my old arcade. This isn't Chucky Cheese either. This is gambling. And it's perfectly legal. More importantly, my kids love it. So this will be hard task to wean them off.
Fortunately, there is one saving grace. The prize counter. It doesn't matter how long you stay at Dave and Busters or how many tickets you accumulate. By the time you get to the prizes, you realize that you've won a sticker and rubber ball. OK, maybe it's not that bad. You may also get a skin tattoo.
Inevitably, you walk away disappointed. A lot like how you feel leaving a casino. Maybe this place does have some redeeming value after all.
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