The Anti-Social Network

So, if thirty years ago, I told you that people would begin to communicate primarily through their computers, you'd say that I either took Matthew Broderick's "War Games" or George Orwell's "1984" a little too seriously.

If twenty years ago, I said that the second most popular form of communication would occur by telephone, you'd probably sigh with boredom until I told you that it would happen on a phone that wasn't plugged into your wall.

Then, I'd hit you with a real zinger by saying that this wireless phone would actually be used less for the spoken word and more for the written one. This is precisely when you'd promptly suggest that I attend a Trekie convention or Comic-Con.

After decades of these fearless predictions, and sometime in 2011, we'd look back and realize that incredibly, smartphones and other mobile devices have ostensibly become the basic foundation for how we now communicate. And it's not just the devices that matter, it's the distribution systems that are the lifeblood of our modern day communication.

Let's see. We have Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo Mail, Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and LinkedIn, too name a few. Now, I can show you my vacation through hundreds of pictures and video and never have to tell you about it. I can pass along current information about my life and never have to open my mouth. I can even give you my current location in real time, and let you know how I feel about it, all without ever having to show my face.

The label for this method of communication? Social Media. Social?

When I was a kid, at some point in my parent/teacher conferences, a discussion was had about how I "socialized" with other children. Of course, that always meant face-to-face contact. Currently, being labeled social means that you returned an email within the hour. But never having to see anyone.

Man do we have this backwards. Not everyone's excited about broadcasting every aspect of their experiences. What about about the shy, private, reclusive types that don't feel like sharing their entire lives digitally. They shouldn't be excluded and need a place of their own where they can congregate.

An Anti-Social Network.

These people will have their own website where they can let everyone know where they haven't been. "This month I didn't go to Orlando, Europe, or even into town. In fact, I never left my house." They'd tell you about the dates they never went on, the movies they haven't seen, and all the restaurants they've never been to. Most of these people will probably have cats.

Another great function would be a button where you could periodically de-friend people. As a matter of fact, that would be a major component of this website. Everyone starts with 100 friends and then you'd see how long it takes to get rid of them all. Eventually, they'd turn it into a reality show. Donald Trump would host.

Once per year, all the members of the anti-social network would have a mandatory get-together, face-to-face, and do.......nothing. The website would be the antithesis of Facebook and just be called, "Empty Pages." The web traffic will explode, ad thousands of people would log on, so they never have to log in anywhere else. There wouldn't be a button for "like", just "dislike". The "What's on Your Mind" box would still be present, but it would link directly to a psychiatrist.

I don't know how Marc Zuckerberg missed the boat on this one. I look forward to the IPO.